Brexit, eh? Whoda thought?

Following some of the most hateful, manipulative and divisive campaigning by racists and opportunists, 72% of the UK electorate went out to vote in a binary, advisory referendum on membership of the European Union. A slim majority took the vote, with 52% of those voters deciding they wanted to leave. Since then, it's looked like a huge mistake made up of many smaller mistakes and all of those are constantly having little mistake babies, and those are mistakenly multiplying by themselves.

The result has triggered a wave of vicious hate that has manifested in violence across the country, which ought to concern decent, right-thinking people; and it's given the pound the shits, which is obviously of grave concern to anyone who wants to afford food and stuff.

The Leavers are impervious to facts and sensible advice, believing that we can be a nation of industrious jam-makers and build a new Royal Yacht and basically imagine we're great, striding conquistadors ruling the waves once more as God intended. I mean, maybe some of them can; Arron Banks has got enough money that he can dick around in a great big boat under a Union Jack hurling jam at people if he wants, and I'd be quite happy for him to just go and do that, but quietly so we don't have to hear from him.

The rest of us, though, are kinda fucked.

We need to find a solution that will make everyone happy, and I think I have one. I know the one thing that can unite people all around this angry Kingdom, one thing that will bring us all together to share a beer and a pasty under a pub marquee decked in bunting, and that's a Bank Holiday.

Theresa May, or maybe even the Queen can come out and say, "Look, we had a good long think about leaving the EU, and it was a terrible idea. Sorry. Obviously some of you thought it would be brilliant, but you were wrong. Don't feel bad, everyone fucks up. Some more than others. You especially. But here, how about we make June 23rd a Bank Holiday instead?"

And this is the best bit, and I can't take credit for it, this came from my friend Susan; we call it UK INDEPENDENCE DAY!

Haha, fuck you, Farage!

So, here we go. Here's a petition. It'll do fuck all to change anything but it momentarily alleviated the bitter, boundless disappointment I feel for this rotting, angry country right now.