Forgive me - I am about to abuse my position. But, in my defence, I have some news that has thrilled me to the core. I have won an award!!!!

For a chance to shout at me in complaint - or to maybe offer support - pop over to the Substack version.

When I started studying hedgehogs in 1986, nearly 40 years ago (not 30 as I was trying to tell someone recently) the focus was on the impact that the hogs imported to North Ronaldsay, a tiny island, the most northerly of the Orkney archipelago, were having on ground-nesting birds.

I repeated the study in 1991, after the bird observatory had airlifted 200 to mainland Scotland and beyond. Reduced hedgehog numbers were not resulting in a return of the arctic terns. Many other factors were at play.

Then in 2003, the RSPB and Nature Scotland, started killing the (also introduced) hedgehogs on the Hebridean islands of the Uists in an attempt to help the breeding success of ground-nesting waders.

Hedgehogs will eat birds eggs when they bump into them, and some certainly seemed to hunt them out. And this was having a serious impact on vulnerable bird populations. But should they be killed?

This was the story that started me thinking about the book which became, Cull of the Wild, Killing in the Name of Conservation. While I was part of the team that was able to get the cull in the Uists stopped, I was disturbed by the fact that I could see no reason to stop exactly the same thing happening in New Zealand - this felt like a contradiction, but was, I recognise now, just a clash between my heart and my head. The book went on to explore many other of these really challenging conservation conundrums. 

Anyway, it is about that book that I want to share some news.

I have just been told, by the Zoological Society of London, that I have won the ZSL Clarivate Award for Communicating Zoology. I am bursting with delight - I have never won anything before (well, apart from the occasional raffle and a few premium bonds).

Previous winners have include fly-queen, Erica McAlister; bumble-bee supremo, Dave Goulson; not quite as young as they were naturalist, Dara McAnulty; George ‘marmite’ Monbiot (to be clear, I like marmite.)

Over 30 years ago I was driving down to Devon with my mentor, Dr Pat Morris, and we were talking about what I should do with my life! We were on the way to settle me into a very rickety caravan for a long session of radio-tracking hedgehogs ... and I said how I was hoping to do a PhD ... Pat asked why? My answer was simple - I enjoy doing this sort of work, and I want people to read about it.

Pat paused for a bit and then said, 'you are already doing the work - and if you want people to read about it, well, how many are going to read your PhD thesis? There are other ways of communicating.'

This obviously set him thinking and midway through my research he introduced me to Roz Kidman Cox, then the editor of the BBC Wildlife Magazine - which I read avidly, every month. She joined me in the fields, and at the end of the night, or at least the first shift, she asked me to write a feature for her magazine ... and it is no exaggeration to say, that is why I am here now, that is why I write books, and that is why I won that award, because these two people gave me the chance. 

Some people talk of the loneliness of writing books - I don’t suffer from that. I sit quite happily in my shed … ok, sometimes I am swearing at the computer when I can’t find the write words, but usually, contentedly typing away. Or I am out meeting interesting people.

But what I do suffer from is perpetual imposter syndrome. The books head out into the wilds (I am now writing my 12th!) - and maybe there are reviews which (mostly!) make me happy - and events, where I love to get properly challenged with good questions. However, even with things like Start the Week, or The Infinite Monkey Cage, I still go home wondering whether I really should be pushing myself ‘out there’. 

Well, maybe this award will help … being recognised by my peers and in fine company … will have to wait and see! There is an award ceremony on 9th December … might put on my smart shirt!

I am sure we are all riddled with self-doubt … well, most of us at least. Have any of you made the transition from that unease to a degree of acceptance that yes, I am worth it? Would love to hear your stories.

More from me on Instagram, Twitter and Bluesky.