I am happy to say, that the orders have issued regarding DCYF’s petition to terminate my rights, and the court has DENIED the petition. I retain my parental rights, that are still being violated by DCYF! As of today, it has been 245 days since I have been able to hug my daughter. I don’t know where she is, what school she goes to, and DCYF has made and attended medical and dental appointments without my consent or knowledge, and has signed paperwork as my daughters “LEGAL CUSTODIAN” Due to DCYF involvement, my daughter has been dropped as a client with her long standing trusted mental health provider. It’s only due to DCYF’s lies made to the provider, because they asked for proof of guardianship, which is me, and still is me today. They can’t provide any documentation stating they have medical decisions making rights, because they don’t. That’s my job as Hannah’s mother, and I have always been diligent and proactive with my daughters all around health, from the start of her life. Not one appointment has been missed until DYCF and their service provider who have blocked all contact, suspended visits without justification, that led to this 245 days, and with numerous violations, from court orders to her rights as a child in foster care, and everything in between! DCYF has placed an order of protection on me, claiming I was interfering with their outstanding order “to prepare her for adoption” they even moved her to a THIRD placement and the family is not a foster home, they are looking to adopt only, and since DCYF was banking on the TPR being granted, they allowed this family to have Hannah as a pre adoption basis. With the denial they didn’t see coming, they have not told Hannah or this family! Hannah knew there was the “big hearing, and decision would be made” and she knew this back in October, how do I know you wondering…I requested her school record, mental health, medical, and dental and it was chalked full of info that 1. Should NEVER be discussed with the school, by a 3rd party who gave even WRONG information as well. 2. Her mental well being, is directly affected by DCYF. DCYF historically has blamed me, for Hannah’s declining mental health and physical health. 3. There was never once any mention by anyone to me, that my daughter was now considered a child with a disability, and now has an IEP. Wouldn’t you like to think someone would want the child’s parent involved or at least informed or maybe to sign something regarding this… NOPE, I signed nothing, I was not told one word. But the school was so worried about finding anything about the IEP that they left info they should have removed like other children’s personal identifying info, and transportation costs and so much more. They missed that the special needs student policy handbook link that was shared and they weren’t sharing it with me that’s for sure. Sharing is caring, unless you are working with dcyf…then sharing is secrets and lies kept from a loving mother who wants her child back! Also since the division now has been denied and that because of their ignorance Hannah needs a new mental health provider. I was asked for my consent, so they can bring her to a new mental health provider, and since they were violating their own protection order by showing up at my home, unannounced, they figured they would ask me to do a drug test. Want want want…that is all I’ve done is give give give, so they can take and take away more and further. So I demanded the protection order to be vacated, and I want to hug my daughter. The problem is, every single time I test, and it’s negative, they claim they don’t have the results or they won’t accept them because it’s not THEIR lab. Well let me say this, their lab, is for clinical use only, is uses a method of testing that is not trust worthy, and it’s not my job to train each CPSW how to enter a med list to the lab. The lab they used and the results that are preventing my daughter from being even near me…IS SHUT DOWN, CLOSED FOR GOOD, NO LONGER ALLOWED TO RUIN PEOPLES LIVES! The new lab…has an even WORSE historical record, fraud, kickbacks, and in NH MA ME AND VT. But even more importantly…DOES THE SAME METHOD OF TESTING! The CPSW had tried to set me up by writing in the wrong meds, and no definitive testing was going to be done…and she thought I was dumb enough to not read the paper before signing it and doing the test…it was a set up. Here’s the thing… IM NOT ON DRUGS. But I’m even more proud to say…IM NOT DRINKING EITHER! I am an alcoholic, and been free from all mind altering substances for quite some time now. My alcoholism was trying to kill me. Cause I was trying to kill the pain from the past. This case is going on almost 3 YEARS now…in 3 years I have not missed a visit, a check in, an appointment for her, a court date, a school event, until the service provider stopped me from being able to, with threats made. I have completed all my required dispositional orders, with certificates of completion, and letters by professionals on my progress and character and also their professional observations of Hannah and I, the bond we share, and the love we have. IGNORED. If I was drinking, which would be constant if I picked anything up again, it would be clear, by my appearance, voice, eyes, and my attendance. I wouldn’t care anymore, I would give up, I would have left everything. Because that’s what happens. If anyone thinks they come before my active addiction, they are wrong. Nothing matters when I’m actively engaged and engulfed in my addiction…preventing my emotions from being felt…numbing the pain from the past and adding the pain from the present, active addicts DONT FEEL AND THEY DONT WANT TO FEEL, they want to be numb. Than let me and with this…a question… “WHY AM I CRYING AS I WRITE THIS? Why do I cry myself to sleep, and when I wake up my eyes burn from crying. Why am I’m STILL here fighting the entire state of NH to give me my daughter back like they were ORDERED to do, more than once! Now their TPR was denied and I’m haven’t seen my baby, in 245 days. Why? I’m not a felon, I’m not a bad mom, I’m not on drugs or drinking, what I am doing is constantly trying, and with full emotions, teary eyes, and broken heart.