I am Nick Grey, a former local news presenter. I was recently terminated from my position with only ten minutes' notice. My only crime was attempting to warn the public about a highly dangerous shift in local media and correctly identifying my station manager, Luke Warm, as a blubbering lubberwort.

I am launching this petition because the truth can no longer be contained within a television studio.

A new digital platform named Hemchester Squared is quietly preparing for a mass rollout. On the surface, it seems to be just another streaming service.

But the truth is, it's a highly aggressive trap designed entirely around mandatory viewer engagement, representing the absolute worst of the fast-food culture of instant gratification!

We demand an immediate injunction against Hemchester Television, a full investigation into Luke Warm, and the permanent dismantling of the Hemchester Squared platform. We must return to analogue broadcasting, physical media, and honest traditions like community soup, before this digital hypnosis takes root across the city!

Signing this petition is your first step. Your second step is to witness the offline evidence.

I have secured the raw, unedited gallery feeds proving exactly what they are doing. I will be presenting this footage safely off the grid at Mammoth Cinema in Nottingham on 23rd, 24th and 30th January 2027. Following these physical assemblies, a nationwide pirate broadcast of the evidence will drop on 30th January 2027 on YouTube!

You can read the leaked studio transcripts and verify my claims right now at hemchester.com.

Thank you, and good morning

Nick Grey (News Man)