IF ONLY.
If only I knew what was racing through your busy, busy brain. Then and only then, could I better assist to ease your anxiety and your pain. If only.
If only I had the ability to hear your inner thoughts, fears and worries come to light. Perhaps then I would be able to help you alleviate your stress, without the fight. If only.
If only I could, I would willingly give you my own conscious words, my voice. Because yours was extracted by Autism, and is absent, without choice. If only.
If only others could some way, somehow, just listen and maybe understand. That this is NOT the life that we, my family, had planned. If only.
If only others could comprehend if ONLY they could see. They might know what it is like to be you, or what it is like to be me. If only.
If only I didn't have to live with the fear, of one day losing my only son. A terrifying reality, and burden that should fall upon no one. IF ONLY.
If only I could give you the treatment you so very desperately need. Without all of the mockery "How could you even think of giving your child, weed?!" If only.
If only I could give you a safe, natural medicine, in hope and faith, that it could change the entire course of your young life. The science, the evidence, certainly IS there, it is plentiful, it is rife. If only.
If only I didn't have to constantly go against the grain, to fight and fight. Belittled and ridiculed for what I know in my heart is just, fair and right. If only.
If only I could go without this consistent reckoning and isolation. I mean, who knew that it could be so incredibly lonely in this overpopulated nation. If only.
If only 'we the people', could maybe for once, all just stand together. For the legal right to medical freedoms that could help make SO many lives better. If only.
If only I didn't have to watch you, sweet child, continuously suffer. When living without medicinal cannabis only makes your tough life, even tougher. If only.
If only the world could take a peek through your tiny little lens. Maybe then it wouldn't be so very difficult for you to just simply make friends. If only.
If only, if only, they could just selflessly love like you do unconditionally genuine, and without judgment. But instead of seeing you, for you, most only see another problematic child, with a chronic, debilitating, ailment.
If only.
-Tiffany A Carwile
January 5th, 2018