Inside - Out Prison Exchange Program Final Paper Introduction: The final paper, the final class, I had no idea that there would be the level of emotion within our final class. I was unprepared for the raw and the uncut feelings that were revealed during our final time together. Tears, laughter, joy, pain, truth, revelations and then, the end. The journey from 1/29/19 until today, encompassed by far, the best experiences of my life and I will forever be a better man because of the Inside - Out Prison Exchange Program. I see the comfortability with which we now converse, I see how we look forward to seeing each other each on Tuesdays. We are interested in each other's lives, we have fun when we are all together, we have become the most unlikely and unconventional version of a family, and we all care about each other. This comfortability and familiarity were not always the case. In the beginning I sensed fear and I sensed apprehension from some of the outside students. The inside students all were unsure of what was to come, and all were playing it cool. Playing it cool looks different for different people. For some that meant, they were too cool to speak. For some each and every time they spoke, it had to be the most intellectual statement of all time! Playing it cool for some was getting all new clothing and a haircut and for others it was exaggeration of their importance. It was all for the sake of showing we belonged, that we were worthy, and for many that first encounter was terrifying. At first, we were all assessing each other, judging each other, learning all that we could within the limited time, within the limited access, within the limited rules. Different ages, different races, multiple ideologies, this course was a melting pot of intellectualism and l already miss the young men and women who I now consider to be my friends. I noticed that we became protective of each other, and I remember clearly that many of the outside students came to our defense 

on multiple occasions throughout this semester. And I know that I and many other of the inside students felt equally protective of the outside students, a true friendship grew within an environment that is not immediately thought of as fertile ground for blossoming relationships. My unwavering faith in the generations that follow me has been further solidified by the phenomenal young men and women that I will forever think of fondly. Brilliance, class,open-minded, diverse, opinionated, bold, and so much more. And the young ladies! They are going to shake up the world, they are going to smash the status quo, the glass ceiling will become a dance floor, because of, the women of their generation and the women of inside out 2019 in particular, our future is

bright! By the end of this course, we all knew what was coming, we all saw the weeks flying by, and I for one was and continue to be more saddened by its ending then I could have ever imagined. Usually, I easily divorce from any and everything. Usually, I get over whatever it is that I am missing. But because of the intellectual challenges, because of the weekly new experiences, because of the skill and grace of our instructor, because of the group and most importantly because of the friendships, there will forever be something there and something not there, I am forever changed, and I am thankful for the day I walked in unannounced and interviewed for the inside Out Prison Exchange Program

I look around what is termed the "day room" of T-B block in SCI Phoenix. And I see the same thing that I've seen almost every day for twenty-four years, inside of multiple institutions. Wasted potential, lost opportunity, vulnerable communities (elderly, disabled, impoverished, sickly, mentally challenged and ill) and those who make a living at their expense. Tables, FULL of games chess, checkers, cards, day after day, week after week, wash, rinse and repeat. Only a relatively small portion of the incarcerated are focused on freedom, focused on creation, focused on anything other than what takes away the immediacy of now. The crushing weight of decades in prison. What will numb the pain? Where do I find joy? How do I cope? The trauma of this place, the rampant abuses of each day, the lack of decency, it makes sense why some cope with games. Day after day, week after week, chess, checkers and cards, wash, rinse, repeat. What if prisons, were more? What if prisons were places of penance and opportunity? What if the 700,000 women and men who leave prisons each year had an opportunity for transformation? What if prisons were transformative? What would that do for individuals, families and communities? What would our Nation the "greatest Nation on Earth" be like then? What if each day was anew with opportunity for amends, growth and penance? Until we recognize collectively that our entire Nation is held to the limitations of this and all oppressive systems. Until we collectively demand change, until we have empathy for the least of these...Prison will remain Day after day, week after week chess checkers and cards, wash, rinse repeat.