Ladies and esteemed white gentlemen of the world,

My name is Sir John Joseph Richard Mandrake, and I am here today writing this to inform the lesser minded of the extreme crisis and famine that faces the world today. I know orange justice is my dad and will forever be my mum, which brings me to my main point.

I stand with his excellency president Donald J. Trump, and since he is orange, and stands for justice of all the Americans, then I believe that this act best represents our country and everything that it, and its citizens stand for.