Hi,

I am going through recovery of Chronic Fatigue. I feel it is almost more brutal than the illness itself. For nine years I had brain fog so bad I couldn't listen at school, I couldn't spell, I got left on my own as I was different, changed social groups a lot as I was never there and they wouldn't remember me. I got left on my own a lot at lunch as I would get nervous and feel people didn't want to chat to me. Isolation is frequent in Chronic Fatigue sufferers. I would try to do everything be social, go to clubs and study and keep up friendships. I went to sprinting training and came back with severe headaches I would be screaming headache 10/10. The headaches were daily ranging from 2/10 to 9/10. I had a good group of friends then who stuck by me. I would get nerve pains through my body. I would try walking and only be able to walk 30 minutes and my mum would go with me I would be tired and dragging my legs. I would go for normally 2 or 3 classes at a time, my mum would usually drive me to high school.  I would come home and rest for an hour or watch Tv and still feel like I was dragged through a bush. Then I did homework. I tried to be social and concentrate in class, I would feel an anxious fog surrounding me and felt people thought I was too awkward. Mentally it is very hard to move on from the illness. I feel stuck in the past- resistant to let go, move on and change. I get plenty of support from my family who are caring and helpful on new stragities to move forward and get out my head. Anxiety is the brain healing and sending you fake stories which you unfortunately believe. I also deal with anxiety, social anxiety and mental issues from the illness.  I suffered from depression for 6 months at age 18 and a mental breakdown. My start to adulthood was rough but I kept going and moving on. Which was a huge part of my life. It is known that the brain is the slowest healer and for me that is definitely the case. My body had healed from the illness but my head is stuck in negative healing patterns, I struggle with self belief and I am trying to be more independent as well. Emotions is another huge blocker of energy- I deal with a lot of anger and cry a lot about nothing really, everything becomes a big deal. I haven't much control on my emotions yet. I do find it hard to get on with people, as I feel they don't understand or know what I want to do to fix my life. I have come up with many good ideas for change but fearful to implement them. I am now grown up and missed out on key developmental stages of adolescent and key stepping stones in life. I have had good friendships and relationships as well. I am now at Queen Margaret University studying Psychology and Sociology such a big achievement I meet with determination and happiness.