AMERICANS NEED THEIR DOINA!

Brothers and sisters, allow me to introduce myself:  My name is Alex Torini. I'm a boom operator for the television program "Home Hunters Global" (and an aspiring director), and I am here to discuss with you a vital issue for our time. The total absence of Doina from the American consumer marketplace.

What is Doina, you ask? Is it a candy bar? A protein bar? Does it contain meat, or is it gluten free and vegan?

I. Don't. Know.

How should I describe Doina? Frankly, I don't think words can do it justice--and this is coming from a man who has a deep and abiding belief in the power of words. I really do. All I know is that I had one of these things on a recent trip to Moldova--about which the less said the better--and it is nothing less than shrink-wrapped perfection.

To taste Doina is to love Doina completely, utterly, and with wild abandon.

But can you, John and Jane Q. American taste Doina? No, my friends, you cannot, and let me tell you why:

Despite multiple request-slash-demand letters and tweets to the fine folks at Hershey, Mars and Monsanto--who it is safe to say are aware of the existence of this particular confectionery Euro-gem--I have not received a single response.

This. Must. Stop.

If you, like me, want the right, as Americans, to eat whatever you please, when you please, without the looming threat of being attacked by people with scythes and pitchforks, then you will sign this petition. It is my hope that with enough signatures, we can force an intervention by one or more of the only four people with the standing to bring us action--@RealDonaldTrump, @HillaryClinton, @BernieSanders and @DavidHasselhoff.

Sign. Then share. Spread the DoinaLove. Together, we can do this.

--Alex Torini, Boom Operator for Home Hunters Global

@realAlexTorini

#Doina #TeamDoina #TheyreWatching

@theyBeWatching theyrewatchingmovie.com

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