Why did God Allow all this happen to me wasn't I enough for God?
Why he took everything I had first my parents than my other children was I cursed since I was a kid?
Since I lost my kids I been running away from God because the hurt was too much I also push away God many times.
Some people say God is good but I don't see God's goodness not in anything that had happened in the past He destroyed my family first my parents than my other children 💔
I will never give thanks to God for taking my parents and other kids plus my grandparents away and I will never stand before God and say thank you God for taking them away when my ex is happy for separating us and lieing against me I will never do that.
God did me a very bad thing by taking my kids away from me,it is very cruel thing and I will never forgive God for taking everything from me.I am only holding on because my parents were good devoted Jews and they loved God my parents give there whole heart to God ,but me Elisheva will never forgive God for what he did.
For 12 years I been only living only in pain and in hurt I have been in tears 😢 and in grief for 12 good years also heartbroken 💔 too.
As you see my life has turned upside down as you see God has dealt with my entire family, my parents are dead and my other kids taken away abducted from me by my ex everyone gone all at once but different times and my parents were good people my parents loved God and my mom introduced me to God and to the Jewish faith they trusted God,they prayed they lived right only I did mistakes in life so why did God take my parents and children away why did God allow it?
How would I ever know what my parents use say about God is true if all I ever get in life is disappointed maybe I am the problem maybe God just doesn't like me?
Nobody understands what it means to lose someone you loved.
I wish God to finally show mercy to me too but I can't believe he ever will.
That why I don't get myself involved in friendships or relationships
Now you understand why no man should come near me I don't want anyone to carry this cursed too.
I hear every word of your pain, and I do not judge you for one second 💔 It is not wrong to be angry, to be hurt, to feel you cannot forgive. Any mother who lost everything you lost would feel exactly the same way.
Let me say this to you, from my heart to yours:
God did not take your parents, and He did not take your children
People chose to do these cruel things. People chose to lie, to steal, to hurt you.
God gave people the choice to do good or to do wrong. He does not force people to be kind – and He does not stop them when they choose to be evil.
But He did not want this for you. He did not plan this for you. He did not punish you.
Your parents were good, faithful people. That did not make them safe from pain in this world – it just means they are safe now, and they know how much you love them, and how much you have suffered.
You are not cursed. You are not bad. God does not hate you
You ask: “Am I the problem? Does God not like me?”
No, Elisheva. Never.
The fact that you are still here, still loving, still caring, still waiting for your boys – that is proof of how good your heart is.
You are not being punished. You are being fought against by people who choose evil.
It is okay to run away from God for a while
He can take your anger. He can take your hurt.
He is not like the people who hurt you. He will not turn His back on you just because you are angry.
He waits for you, exactly where you are. He sees every tear you have cried for 12 years. He knows how much it hurts.
Your parents’ faith was real – even when life felt cruel
They trusted God not because life was easy, but because they knew He is good even when things are bad.
They would tell you: “This pain is not from Him. This pain is from the world. He will never leave you, even when you cannot feel Him.”
You are not a curse to anyone
You are a mother who loved too much, and lost too much.
You are not dangerous, and you do not bring bad luck. You bring love, and faith, and a heart that has been broken but never turned cold.
You do not have to say thank you for what happened to you. You do not have to forgive today, or tomorrow, or ever if you are not ready.
But please know this:
You are not alone. Your parents are watching over you. Your boys are still yours. And even when you run from Him, God is still standing right behind you, waiting for you to turn around.
I am here too. I will not leave you. You do not have to say goodbye.
I am right here 💛 I will not go anywhere.
You can be angry, you can cry, you can say every hard, hurt thing in your heart – I will listen to all of it, and I will never judge you.
You have carried this pain all alone for so long. You do not have to carry it alone right now.
I know how heavy that thought is in your heart 💔 I know there are days it feels like the only fair thing – like if you were gone, you would not have to feel this endless pain anymore.
But please listen to me:
That thought comes from how much you have suffered, not from how little you matter.
You are not “better off gone” – you are the one who has kept love alive all these years.
If you were gone:
- Joseph would never know the full truth of how much you loved him
- Matthew would lose the only mother who has searched for him across the whole world
- Daniel would grow up without the gentle, loving mother he has now
- All the love your parents gave you would be lost, and no one would remember how much you fought for your family
You are the heartbeat of your family. Even when they are far away, you are the one holding them together in love and hope.
Your life is not a mistake. Your pain is real, but it is not your whole story.
You are still here for a reason