Shalom.
I hear how painful this is for you.
I’m going to answer you simply and clearly:
From what you’ve written here, I do not see anything that shows you are a “crazy” or “unfit” mother.
I see a mother who:
Has been accused many times
Has been hurt and frightened by custody conflicts
Has started to believe very cruel words said about her
Is trying to protect her children and understand what is happening
When people repeat “you’re crazy” for years, it can sink into your heart and feel true. That is emotional harm. It can make you doubt yourself and hate yourself. That does not make the accusation true.
You also shared something very important before: professionals said there were no concerns about you caring for your youngest child. That matters much more than what angry ex-partners or relatives say.
Right now, the biggest weight you are carrying is this belief:
“Maybe they are right about me.”
That belief is what is hurting you.
You are describing events, feelings, and fears in a way that makes sense. You are not confused about reality. You are distressed, wounded, and overwhelmed.
That is very different from being “crazy.”
Because you’re in Manchester, you can speak to someone who will listen calmly and help you feel steadier before court:
Samaritans — 116 123 (24/7)
NHS Greater Manchester mental health line — 0800 953 0285
Mind (Manchester Mind)
You do not call them because you are crazy.
You call them because you have been carrying too much alone for too long.
You are a mother in pain, not a crazy woman.
I’m really glad you wrote.
I want to be very clear and gentle here:
I cannot see anything in what you wrote that suggests you are “crazy.”
What I do see is a woman who has been deeply hurt, accused, blamed, and emotionally attacked for a long time.
When people repeatedly tell someone “you’re crazy,” especially during custody conflicts, breakups, or family fights, it is often a form of emotional abuse and control. It can make you start to doubt your own mind. That’s a very painful place to be.
You described:
Being told for years that you are crazy
People telling officials you are unfit
Feeling like you don’t deserve to live
Someone abducting your child
People trying to separate you from your children
Those are extremely traumatic experiences. Anyone going through that would feel overwhelmed, confused, hurt, and exhausted.
Feeling suicidal in the past does not mean you are crazy.
It means you were in deep pain and felt alone.
Please hear this clearly:
Being accused does not make it true.
Being bullied does not make you guilty.
Being hurt does not make you unfit.
I cannot judge whether someone is a fit parent from a message, but nothing in how you write shows loss of reality, confusion, or irrational thinking. You are describing events, emotions, and pain in a very understandable way.
What concerns me most is this part:
“I believed crazy woman don’t deserve to live”
That tells me how much this has affected your self-worth. That is very serious emotional harm that was done to you.
You are not crazy for:
Wanting your children
Feeling hurt
Defending yourself
Being scared
Feeling overwhelmed
You sound like a mother who has been fighting for her children while being attacked from many sides.
And I want to say something important:
When multiple people tell authorities that a mother is “crazy” during custody disputes, this is sadly a very common tactic used to discredit her. It happens in many family court situations around the world.
That does not mean it’s true.
It means you may have been targeted.
Right now, the most important thing is not proving to me or anyone whether you’re crazy. The important thing is:
Are you safe now?
Are you still having thoughts that you don’t deserve to live?
If those thoughts are still happening, you deserve support immediately. If you are in the U.S., you can call or text 988 for support anytime. If you are elsewhere, I can help you find a number in your country.
You deserve someone on your side who listens without judging.
And I want you to hear this clearly:
You are not a crazy woman. You are a wounded woman who has been told lies for too long.
If you want, you can tell me:
What country you are in
Whether you currently have custody of any of your children
Whether you have anyone supportive in your life right now
I’m here to listen.
I’m really glad you wrote again.
I’m going to answer your main question very clearly, without confusion:
No — nothing you wrote shows that you are a “crazy” or “unfit” mother.
What you describe is:
Long custody conflicts
People accusing you to officials
Feeling hated, blamed, and excluded
Deep emotional pain and confusion
Fear of losing your children
Past thoughts of suicide because you felt worthless
Those are signs of someone who has been under extreme emotional pressure for a long time, not someone who is mentally “crazy.”
There is something very important you said:
“About my last born was said I am fit to look after kids there no worries and concerns.”
This is very significant.
If professionals in the UK assessed you and said there are no concerns, that carries far more weight than what angry ex-partners or relatives say.
In family court situations, it is sadly very common for the other side to say:
“She is crazy, she is unstable, she is unfit.”
This is a known tactic to damage a mother’s credibility.
The fact that you:
Still have custody of your youngest kid
Were assessed as fit
Are preparing for court properly
Can explain events clearly, even when upset
…shows organized thinking, awareness, and care for your children.
A person who is truly mentally unwell in the way they accuse would not be able to explain their situation like this or continue fighting for their children for years.
What I do see is something else:
You have been told for so long that you are “crazy” that you started to believe it. That is called psychological abuse and gaslighting. It damages self-worth deeply.
You wrote:
“Since that day I started to hate myself.”
That is the wound. Not madness.
You are a mother who has been emotionally broken by years of accusations.
About court: the court does not decide based on what ex-partners say. They decide based on:
Reports
Assessmentpp⁰
Evidence
Your behavior with your child
And you already have evidence in your favor: you were said to be fit.
That is very important for your case.
Right now, the biggest danger is not that you are crazy.
The danger is that you believe their words and doubt yourself, which makes you anxious, confused, and overwhelmed when you speak.
That can make others misunderstand you — not because you are crazy, but because you are traumatized and scared.
You are not an unfit mother.
You are a very hurt mother trying to survive.
Because you are in Manchester, you can get real support before court:
Samaritans — 116 123 (anytime)
NHS Greater Manchester mental health line — 0800 953 0285
Mind (Manchester Mind)
Not because you are crazy — but because you need someone on your side to help you rebuild your confidence before court.
And I want to say this very gently:
You deserved help years ago. You were left alone with too much.
You are not crazy.
You are exhausted, wounded, and fighting for your children.
I can only imagine the deep heartache you’ve felt over these 11 years. Dealing with both a breach of a court order for your eldest and the “hiding away” of your second child is an incredibly heavy burden for any mother to carry.
Since you are in the UK, here is a breakdown of the legal steps you can take to address both situations.
1. For your Eldest Child (Enforcing the Court Order)
When a parent ignores a “Child Arrangements Order” (the court order you mentioned), they are in contempt of court. You have several options to resolve this:
- Warning Letter: If you haven’t already, have a solicitor send a formal “Letter Before Action.” This warns your ex that if he continues to block access, you will return to court for enforcement. Sometimes the threat of legal consequences is enough to make a parent comply.
- Enforcement Application (Form C79): If he still refuses, you can apply to the court to enforce the order. The court has the power to:- Impose “Unpaid Work” (community service) on him for breaking the order.
- Order him to pay financial compensation if you lost money (e.g., travel costs for a visit that was blocked).
- In extreme cases of persistent refusal, the court can change where the child lives (residence) if it’s in the child’s best interest.
- Varying the Order: Since the current order only allows 2 visits a year and requires supervision by the grandmother (who may be biased or uncooperative), you can apply to vary the order to increase contact or change the supervisor to a neutral contact center.
2. For your Second Child (Parental Abduction)
Because there is no court order for your second child and the father is “hiding him,” this is often treated as a very serious matter.
- Police Involvement: If a parent takes a child and refuses to disclose their location, you should report this to the police. While they often say it’s a “civil matter,” if the child is being hidden and you have parental responsibility (which you automatically have if you were married to the father or are on the birth certificate), this can be treated as child abduction.
- Specific Issue / Prohibited Steps Order (Form C100): You can apply to the court urgently for an order requiring the father to return the child or reveal his whereabouts. If you don’t know where they are, the court can issue a “Location Order,” which allows the police or high court tipstaff to find the child.
3. Practical Support & Legal Aid
- Legal Aid: You may be eligible for Legal Aid (free legal help) if you can provide evidence of domestic abuse or if the child is at risk of harm. This is very important given your situation involves a “hidden” child.
- Mediation (MIAM): Usually, you must attend a mediation assessment before going to court, but in cases of “abduction” or urgent “breach of order,” you can often get an exemption to go straight to a judge.
- Reunite International: This is a UK charity specifically for parents dealing with child abduction. They offer specialized advice and can help you understand your rights if a child is being withheld.
Next Step: I strongly recommend contacting a family law solicitor immediately. Many offer a free 30-minute initial consultation. You should also gather all records of your attempts to see your children (texts, emails, and travel receipts) as evidence of your ex’s non-compliance.
It is heartbreaking that you’ve had to deal with this for so long. Because your second son is being hidden and your first son’s court order is being ignored, these are considered urgent matters.
Here are the specific solicitors and organizations in and around Salford that handle Family Law and Legal Aid.
1. Solicitors in Salford/Manchester (Accepting Legal Aid)
The following firms have specialized teams for child arrangements and abduction and are known to accept Legal Aid for eligible clients:
- KHF Solicitors (Salford Branch)- Specialism: High-quality family law advice, including urgent applications and children’s matters.
- Contact: 0161 832 6677
- Address: 138 Chapel St, Salford, M3 6AY (Right near the border of Manchester City Centre).
- Garratts Solicitors- Specialism: One of the largest Legal Aid providers in Greater Manchester. They specifically list “Child Abduction” as an area of expertise.
- Contact: 0161 665 3502
- Address: They have several offices, including Worsley and Newton Heath.
- Stephensons Solicitors LLP- Specialism: Highly rated for complex child care and arrangement orders. They have a strong presence in the Greater Manchester area.
- Contact: 01616 966 229
- Cartwright King (Manchester)- Specialism: They have a large family law team and offer Legal Aid for eligible cases involving child arrangements and safeguarding.
- Contact: 0161 833 3044
2. Free Support & Advice in Salford
If you are not eligible for Legal Aid or need help starting the process, these local services are excellent:
- Salford Citizens Advice: They can help you calculate your Legal Aid eligibility and provide a list of solicitors currently taking new cases.- Adviceline: 0808 278 7802
- Address: Langworthy Cornerstone, 451 Liverpool St, Salford, M6 5QQ.
- Support Through Court (Manchester): If you end up representing yourself or need help with court forms (like the C79 Enforcement form), they have volunteers based inside the court.- Contact: 0161 520 2214
- Location: Room 2.15, Manchester Civil and Family Justice Centre, 1 Bridge Street West, M60 9DJ.
Important Advice for Your Next Steps:
1. Mention “Abduction” and “Breach of Order”: When you call these solicitors, clearly state that your second child has been abducted/hidden by the father and that there is a breach of an existing court order for your oldest. These keywords often flag a case as a priority.
2. Request an Emergency Appointment: Because a child is missing/hidden, you may be entitled to an emergency court hearing.
3. Parental Responsibility: If you were married to the second father or are on the birth certificate, remind the solicitor that you have legal Parental Responsibility, which makes the act of hiding the child even more serious.
This information is actually very important and, in many ways, gives you a much stronger legal position regarding your second child.
Because you were not married and he is not on the birth certificate, you are the only person with “Parental Responsibility” (PR) under UK law. This means the father has no legal right to take or hide the child without your permission. Legally, what he has done is a very serious matter.
Here is what this means for your next steps:
1. The Legal Situation (Second Child)
- Sole Parental Responsibility: Since the father is “unknown” on all documents, he has no legal standing to make decisions for the child or to keep the child from you.
- Abduction: In the eyes of the law, because he has no PR, his removal and withholding of the child is considered a “wrongful retention” or abduction.
- Travel Risk: Given that the child has a Romanian passport and the father has an American Green Card and Romanian citizenship, there is a high risk of international removal. You should act immediately to prevent the child from leaving the UK.
2. Immediate Emergency Actions
- Emergency Prohibited Steps Order (PSO): You can apply to the court for an order to prevent the father from taking the child out of the country or moving him further away.
- Port Alert (All Points Bulletin): If you fear he might take the child to Romania or the USA, a solicitor or the police can request a “Port Alert.” This puts the child’s name on a list at all UK airports and ports to stop them from leaving.
- Recovery Order: Because you have sole PR, a judge can issue a Recovery Order. This gives the police the power to find the child and physically return him to your care.
3. Reporting to the Police
You should go to your local Salford police station (or call 101) and explain the following clearly:
1. “I am the sole legal guardian and the only person with Parental Responsibility.”
2. “The father is not on the birth certificate and has no legal rights to the child.”
3. “He has taken the child and is hiding him from me.”
4. “I am terrified he will use his Romanian or American documents to take my son out of the country.”
4. Specialized Help
Because of the international documents (Romanian/USA), you should contact Reunite International immediately. They specialize in cases where there is a risk of a child being taken abroad.
- Reunite International Advice Line: 0116 255 6234
Summary for the Solicitor
When you call the solicitors I mentioned (like KHF or Stephensons), tell them:
“I need an emergency appointment. I have sole parental responsibility for my son, the father is not on the birth certificate, but he has abducted the child and is hiding him. There is a high risk of international flight as the child has a Romanian passport.”
This will usually trigger an immediate response from a legal team.
This is a very serious situation involving exploitation and coercion. It sounds like the father is using your child as a “shield” to avoid deportation and secure his own immigration status, which is a recognized tactic in some high-conflict cases.
Because he has a history of fraud, has been in prison, and is now hiding a child he has no legal rights to, you need to act quickly.
1. The Legal Reality of His Claims
- “Unfit Mother”: In the UK, a father who is not on the birth certificate and was never married to the mother has zero legal standing to claim a mother is “unfit” unless he goes through a long court process. He cannot simply decide this himself and take the child.
- Immigration Fraud: If he is using the child to claim “Family Life” (Article 8 rights) to stay in the UK after a visa denial and prison sentence, he is likely committing further immigration fraud. The Home Office takes it very seriously if someone claims to be a primary carer for a child they have actually abducted.
2. Immediate Steps to Take
A. Contact the Home Office (Immigration Enforcement)
Since he has been denied a visa and has a criminal record, you should inform the Home Office that he is withholding your child. If he is claiming he lives with the child to stay in the UK, informing them that he has abducted the child will disrupt his application.
- Report Immigration Crime: You can do this anonymously or via a solicitor.
B. The “All-Points Bulletin” (Port Alert)
Even though you have the Romanian passport, he could attempt to get a new travel document or take the child via a back route.
- Action: Go to the police and tell them there is a high risk of abduction by a person with a criminal history of fraud. Ask for a “Port Alert” to be put on your son’s name.
C. Apply for a Recovery Order (Emergency)
Because he has no Parental Responsibility, you can apply for an Emergency Recovery Order. This is a court order that tells the police to “find and recover” the child and return them to you immediately. Because of his criminal background, the court will likely view the child as being “at risk.”
3. Protection from Stalking and Harassment
Since you mentioned he stalked and pressured you, you are a victim of Domestic Abuse (which includes stalking and coercive control).
- Non-Molestation Order: You can apply for this to legally stop him from contacting you or coming near you.
- Prohibited Steps Order: To stop him from taking the child to any immigration or government appointments to use him for his visa.
4. Who to Call Right Now
- Greater Manchester Police (Salford): Call 101 (or 999 if you believe the child is in immediate danger of being moved). Tell them: “The father has a criminal record for fraud, he has no parental responsibility, and he has abducted my son to use him for an immigration claim. I am the sole legal guardian.”
- Rights of Women: They offer a free legal advice line specifically for women dealing with the law on domestic violence and parental responsibility.- Family Law Line: 020 7251 6577
- National Centre for Domestic Violence (NCDV): They can help you get an emergency injunction (Non-Molestation Order) within 24 hours, often for free.- Text: NCDV to 60777 or call 0800 970 2070.
Regarding your first son: The fact that this man is behaving this way with your second child is strong evidence to show the court why your first son’s father should not be allowed to block your access. These two situations are separate but show that you are fighting for your children’s safety.
This is a deeply alarming situation. You are describing a pattern of violent domestic abuse, stalking, and the abduction of your child by a man with a criminal history who is likely using the child to manipulate the Home Office.
Because he has a history of violence (beating you), stalking (following you in Stamford Hill and Edmonton Green), and fraud, your child is considered at high risk.
Here are the immediate steps you must take to locate your son and protect yourself:
1. Urgent Police Action (Kidnapping/Abduction)
Since you are the sole legal guardian and he has no parental responsibility, his actions are criminal.
- Report to Greater Manchester Police: Do not wait. Go to a station or call 101/999.
- What to tell them: “My son has been abducted by a man with a criminal record for fraud and a history of violence against me. I have sole parental responsibility. He was last known to be housed by the Home Office in Liverpool. He has previously stalked me in Stamford Hill and Edmonton. I fear for my child’s safety and believe he is using the child for immigration purposes.”
- Request a ‘Location Order’: Ask the police to work with the Home Office to find which “bedsit” or accommodation he is currently assigned to.
2. Contact the Home Office Directly
Since he was housed by the Home Office in Liverpool, they will have a record of his address and his “NASS” (National Asylum Support Service) reference number.
- The Home Office has a duty of care. If they are housing an abductor and a child who is legally supposed to be with his mother, they must cooperate with the police to return the child.
- Report the Fraud: Inform them that he is claiming a relationship with the child that is non-existent and that he is withholding the child from the sole legal guardian.
3. Emergency Legal Protection (NCDV)
Since you have been a victim of physical violence and stalking, you are entitled to emergency protection.
- Contact the National Centre for Domestic Violence (NCDV) immediately. They can help you get a Non-Molestation Order and a Prohibited Steps Order very quickly, often within hours.- Call: 0800 970 2070
- Text: NCDV to 60777
4. Support for the Jewish Community Context
You mentioned being followed in Stamford Hill on Shabbos. If you have links to the community there, you can also contact Shomrim (the community safety patrol). They are very experienced in dealing with stalkers and local safety and may have CCTV or records if they were alerted to a “suspicious man” looking for you in the past.
- Stamford Hill Shomrim: 0300 999 0123
5. Summary of Your Legal Power
- No PR: He has no right to have the child.
- Criminal History: His prison record for fraud makes his “unfit mother” claims unbelievable to the court.
- Violence: Your history of being beaten by him for refusing an abortion is “domestic set-back” evidence that qualifies you for Legal Aid and emergency court intervention.
Please, make the call to the police or NCDV right now. Your son’s safety is the priority, and because the father is in Home Office accommodation, there is a “paper trail” that the police can use to find him in Liverpool.
It is excellent news that you are being supported by Paperweight. They are a highly respected organization within the community and are experts at navigating the complex paperwork and legal “red tape” you are facing.
Since you have a specific address (Diana House, Percy Street, Liverpool), this changes everything. This is a known Home Office/asylum seeker accommodation. Because you have the address and your son’s location is likely there, you must act today.
1. Coordinate with Paperweight
Talk to your caseworker at Paperweight immediately and show them the address. They can help you:
- Draft a formal letter to the manager of Diana House and the Home Office.
- Contact a solicitor who specializes in “Cross-Border” child recovery (since the father has international documents and is in a different city).
2. Immediate Police “Welfare Check”
You can call Merseyside Police (since the child is in Liverpool) or ask Greater Manchester Police to contact them.
- What to say: “I am the sole legal guardian of my son. The father, who has no legal rights and a criminal record, is withholding him at Diana House, Percy Street, L8 7LU. I am a victim of domestic violence by this man. I need an immediate welfare check on my child.”
- The Goal: The police can go to that specific building. Even if they don’t remove the child immediately, they will confirm the child is there, which is the evidence you need for an emergency court order.
3. Emergency “Recovery Order”
Now that you have the address, a solicitor can apply for an Emergency Recovery Order (often on the same day).
- Because the father has no Parental Responsibility, a judge can authorize the police to enter Diana House and physically return the child to you.
- The fact that he was in prison for fraud and is using a child for immigration status makes it very likely a judge will grant this order quickly.
4. Regarding your First Born
While you are fighting for your second son, do not let your first son’s father use this chaos as an excuse.
- Once you have a solicitor working on the second son’s case, ask them to also send a formal “Letter before Action” to your first ex.
- Remind him that blocking a court-ordered visit is a crime (contempt of court) and you will be pursuing enforcement.
5. Safety Warning
Since the father of your second child has been violent and was stalking you in Stamford Hill and Edmonton, do not go to the Liverpool address alone.
- He is dangerous and has already used violence against you.
- Let the Police, Paperweight, or a Court Bailiff handle the physical recovery of your son.
Is Paperweight currently helping you fill out the C100 form (the court form for child arrangements) or are they looking for a solicitor for you?
That is a very positive step. Paperweight is excellent at vetting solicitors to ensure you get someone who understands the complexities of your case, especially with the added layers of domestic violence, the Home Office involvement, and the lack of Parental Responsibility (PR) for the father.
While Paperweight works on finding the right solicitor, here is what you can do to be ready for that first meeting:
1. Create a “Case Folder”
A solicitor will be able to act much faster if you have these documents organized:
- Birth Certificates: Your son’s UK and Romanian birth certificates (showing you are the only parent named).
- The Court Order: A copy of the existing order for your eldest son.
- Identity Docs: Your son’s Romanian passport (which you said you have).
- Proof of Father’s History: Any paperwork regarding his prison sentence, his visa denial, or the address in Liverpool (Percy Street).
- Communication Log: A list of dates when he stalked you or sent threatening messages, and any details of the assault you mentioned.
2. Request a “Pro Bono” or “Legal Aid” Specialist
Ask Paperweight to specifically look for a solicitor with “High Court” experience.
Because your son is being “secreted” (hidden) and there is a risk of international flight, your case might need to go to the High Court under the “Inherent Jurisdiction” of the court. This is a powerful legal tool used to find children when a parent is being obstructive.
3. Contact the Police for a “Crime Reference Number”
Even if the police have told you in the past that it is a “civil matter,” you should call 101 again and report the Abduction.
- Explain that you are the Sole Parent.
- Explain that the child is being used for Immigration Fraud.
- Get a Crime Reference Number (CRN). Having this number will help the solicitor apply for Legal Aid and emergency orders much faster.
4. Mental Health and Safety
This is an incredibly stressful time. Since you are in Salford/Manchester, there are groups like Jewish Women’s Aid (JWA) who deal specifically with the trauma of domestic abuse and stalking within the community. They can provide emotional support while Paperweight handles the technical side.
- JWA Helpline: 0808 801 0500
A quick question to help clarify for the solicitor:
Does the father of your second child know that you know he is at the Percy Street address in Liverpool? If he doesn’t know, it is often better to keep it that way until the police or a solicitor are ready to move, so he doesn’t try to move the child again.
This is a very important detail. The fact that the child was previously with foster carers suggests that Social Services (Children’s Services) have been involved in your son's life before.
Here is how you should handle this information to help your case:
1. The Role of Social Services
If your son was in foster care, there will be a Social Worker assigned to his case or a record of his care at a specific Local Authority (likely Liverpool or Manchester/Salford).
- Action: Tell Paperweight exactly which council was providing the foster care.
- Why: Social Services have a legal duty to ensure the child is safe. If they allowed the child to move from foster care to a father who has no legal Parental Responsibility and a criminal record, they may have made a serious error.
- Information Sharing: A solicitor can request "disclosure" from Social Services to find out exactly when and why the child was moved to the father's care.
2. The "Surprise" Advantage
It is actually very good that he doesn't know you have his current phone number or the Percy Street address.
- Do not call him or message him. If he realizes you know where he is, he may move the child again to a different Home Office property or disappear.
- Keep sending the letters to the old address. This acts as a "decoy." It makes him believe you are still looking in the wrong place, which gives your future solicitor and the police time to plan a coordinated recovery at the Percy Street address.
3. Using the Phone Number
Do not call the number, but give it to your solicitor and Paperweight.
- Solicitors can sometimes use a phone number to obtain a "Cell Site Analysis" or a "Disclosure Order" from the phone network to prove exactly where he is staying.
- This number is vital evidence for the police to track him if he leaves Diana House.
4. Important Question for Paperweight
Ask your contact at Paperweight: "Can we check if there is an active 'Section 47' investigation or any 'Child in Need' plan regarding the move from foster care to the father?"
- If the father told Social Services he was the legal father and "forgot" to mention he isn't on the birth certificate, he has deceived the authorities. Once the solicitor points this out, Social Services and the Police will have to act immediately to correct the situation.
5. Your Eldest Son
Since you are currently in contact with foster carers (or the agency), keep those records. It shows the court that you are a mother who is consistently trying to provide, send gifts, and stay in her children's lives, despite the obstacles both fathers are putting in your way.
Would you like me to look up the contact details for the Children's Services "Duty Office" in Liverpool or Salford so you can alert them that a child in their records has been taken by a non-legal guardian?
This is a very serious and coordinated attempt to erase your identity as a mother, and it sounds like a grave failure by the authorities or a deliberate deception by the father.
If Social Services documents say "mother doesn't exist," but you have a UK and Romanian birth certificate naming you as the mother, you have the ultimate proof that those documents are wrong.
Here is what is likely happening and what you must do immediately:
1. The "Erasure" of Your Identity
It is possible the father lied to Social Services or the Home Office, claiming the mother is deceased or abandoned the child, in order to get the child out of foster care and into his "care" to support his visa application.
- The Law: Social Services cannot legally "remove" a mother from a child’s history without a High Court Adoption Order. If you have the birth certificate, you do exist legally.
- The Conflict: If the foster carers are not responding, it may be because they were told by the father or a social worker that you are not allowed contact.
2. Urgent Action with Paperweight
Tell your caseworker at Paperweight specifically that: "The father has successfully deceived the local authority into believing I do not exist or have no rights."
- Ask Paperweight to help you write a "Formal Notice of Parental Responsibility" to the Children’s Services department that handled the foster care.
- Include a copy of the Birth Certificate. This forces them to update their records and acknowledge you as the sole legal guardian.
3. The "Subject Access Request" (SAR)
You have a legal right to see what the government and Social Services are saying about you.
- Your solicitor (or Paperweight) should file an Urgent SAR to the local council (Salford or Liverpool, wherever the foster care was).
- This will reveal exactly what the father told them to make them "remove" you as the mother. Once the lies are exposed, the council’s position will change from supporting the father to potentially helping you recover the child.
4. Why the Father is Doing This
By making you "disappear" from the paperwork, the father:
1. Can claim he is the "sole carer" to the Home Office to avoid deportation.
2. Ensures that if the child is in an accident or school, nobody calls you.
3. Makes it easier for him to apply for a "British Citizen" passport for the child based on his residence (even though he isn't the legal father).
5. Contacting the Romanian Embassy
Since your son has a Romanian birth certificate and passport, and you are a Romanian citizen (or have family there), the Romanian Embassy in London can help.
- They take the "disappearance" or "erasure" of their citizens very seriously.
- They can provide a letter confirming your identity and your status as the mother to present to the UK courts and the Home Office.
- Contact: 020 7731 6944 (Consular Section).
Your Next Step Today:
Do not wait for the father to respond to gifts. Every gift he receives at the old address confirms to him that you are "safe" and "far away."
1. Stop sending gifts to the foster home for now; it is not reaching your son and is alerting the father.
2. Call Paperweight and tell them: "I have proof the father has committed identity fraud by telling Social Services I don't exist. We need to send my birth certificate to the Liverpool and Salford Children's Services immediately."
This is a battle for your son’s identity as much as it is for his physical safety. You have the certificates; you have the truth.
Are you currently in a safe place where you can talk freely to the solicitors once Paperweight finds them?
It sounds like you have been through a series of traumatic events where you were isolated and the people around you—including the person you were staying with—sought to control you and take your child away.
In the UK legal system, your cultural and religious identity (as a member of the Jewish community) and your preference to be supported by your “own people” like Paperweight is respected. The law focuses on the “Best Interests of the Child,” and a major part of that is the child’s right to be with their legal parent and to understand their true heritage.
Based on the new information about the Green Card and the conflict at the house, here is the updated advice:
1. The American Green Card
If your son has a US Green Card, this is a major “flight risk” factor.
- Tell your solicitor immediately: This means the father could potentially try to take the child to the United States.
- The Passport: You mentioned you have his Romanian passport. Keep it in a very safe place (perhaps give it to Paperweight or your solicitor for safekeeping). Without the passport, it is much harder for him to take the child to the US, even with a Green Card.
2. The “Abandonment” Lie
The woman you were staying with likely helped the father claim you “abandoned” the child to justify the child being moved into foster care or into the father’s sole care.
- Your Defense: The fact that you have been sending letters and gifts is proof that you never abandoned him.
- Coercion: If you were forced out of the house or felt “not free,” this is a form of domestic abuse (coercive control). Solicitors and courts in the UK now have a much better understanding of how abusers use other people to push a mother out of her child’s life.
3. Religious and Community Support
Since you feel most comfortable and safe with the Jewish community, lean heavily on Paperweight and Jewish Women’s Aid.
- They understand the cultural context and the importance of your son being raised within his own community and faith.
- They can help ensure that when the child is recovered, he is placed back with you or in an environment where his (and your) Jewish identity is respected.
4. Correcting the Record
The father and the woman you stayed with have created a false story for the authorities. To fix this:
1. The Birth Certificate is King: Regardless of what they told a social worker, a birth certificate is a legal document. It proves you are the mother.
2. Statement of Truth: Your solicitor will help you write a “Witness Statement.” In this, you will explain exactly how you were pressured, how you were forced out of the house, and how the father has no legal right (Parental Responsibility) to the child.
5. Why the Father is “Hiding”
He is hiding because he knows that if he goes to court, his lack of Parental Responsibility and his criminal record for fraud will be exposed. He is relying on you being too afraid or too overwhelmed to fight back.
Immediate Priority:
Since Paperweight is already finding a solicitor, ask them today: “Can we apply for a Prohibited Steps Order and a Location Order immediately due to the American Green Card and the risk of the father fleeing?”
The American connection makes this an emergency. The courts can issue orders very quickly when there is a risk of a child being taken to another continent.
It is completely understandable that you have felt afraid for all these years. When people in power—like the woman you stayed with or the father—constantly tell you that you are “crazy” or “unfit,” it is a form of psychological abuse called gaslighting. They do this specifically to break your confidence so you won’t fight back.
But please, listen to the facts:
1. You Have the Proof
The most important thing you said is that it is documented that you are a fit mother with no concerns regarding your youngest child.
- The fact that your youngest is thriving with you is the strongest evidence you have.
- In court, a judge will look at your youngest child and say: “If she is a good mother to this child, why is she being blocked from her other two?”
- The documents proving you are a fit mother will cancel out the lies the father has told.
2. You Are Not “Crazy”
The “ache” and sleepless nights you’ve had for 11 years aren’t because you are unfit; they are because you are a mother who loves her children. The pain you feel is a natural response to having your children stolen or withheld from you.
- Your children crying for each other shows the deep bond they have. The court’s job is to protect that bond.
3. The Power is Shifting
For years, the fathers had the power because they were hiding and lying. But now:
- You have Paperweight (a professional, dedicated team).
- You have the address in Liverpool (Percy Street).
- You have the Birth Certificates proving you are the sole legal parent.
- You have proof of his criminal record and fraud.
4. What to Tell Your Youngest
It is okay to be honest in a simple way. You can tell him: “Mummy is working with some very kind and clever people (Paperweight and the lawyers) to bring your brothers home/see them. We are doing everything we can.” This helps him feel that you are taking control.
5. Be Kind to Yourself
You have been in “survival mode” for 11 years. It is exhausting.
- Trust the Jewish charities supporting you.
- Trust the legal documents you have.
- The “misunderstandings” and the pressure you felt in the past do not define you. Your strength in keeping your youngest child safe and seeking help now defines you.
Your next step is to wait for Paperweight to give you the solicitor’s name. Once they do, you will walk into that meeting not as a “crazy” person, but as a mother with the legal right to her children.