To Mayor Dogden,
“ Let the nutty good times begin.”
I’m quite sure that they have already Mayor.
However, I have a couple of suggestions in mind that I am convinced will both reflect our ‘nutty’ nature and spirit and ensure maximum celebration is achieved.
Let’s start with admission.
To ensure that maximum revenue is achieved I suggest that we have a certain high ranking judge work the ticket booth. He could charge each citizen 100k per admission ticket while simultaneously granting free admission to his close, close friends whom he has lucrative business dealings with. In this way a fiduciary equilibrium will be obtained just to make amends for any possible failures regarding the management of taxes or contracts.
Next, I have a brilliant idea about the Human Whack A Mole attraction. Let’s make the experience more relatable and lifelike. I suggest that we enlist the services of local PD and call it WHACK A MINOR. Charge our children a reasonable fee to be pummeled by law enforcement. It’s not like our tax dollars haven’t paid for it in the past.
Now, this next idea is definitely in keeping with the season. Every city in this state is going to have a haunted house - I suggest that we give the citizens a real attraction that is actually a terrifying experience. We construct a faux county jail- we have real life officers work in the attraction- admission is free however to ensure every citizen gets the opportunity to experience the fright- and then we send the citizens into the jail attraction and they run the risk of catching the eye of our jailers! If they make it through the attraction great. If they don’t - well, we definitely did our part to truly terrify them.
These are just a few of the ideas that I have and if you find them as festive as I do and believe that they are truly representative of our local ‘nuttiness’ as I do - then give me a call because I’d love to coordinate with you on my many, many other ideas about how to celebrate the true spirit of Seguin.
As long as the tree is a nut tree I am sure that we have no choice but to be nuts.