Horse deaths. Animal cruelty. Gambling addiction. O-Bikes in the Yarra. Melbourne is in the grips of despair. Our very society is crumbling around us. Is it the failed NBN’s fault? Probably. We’ll never know. What we do know is that it’s too late to save us humans. But with an oversupply of glue looming across a dreary November sky, there is something we can do to save the lives of horses, the drowning of O-Bikes, and the athleticism of jockey’s limp lifeless legs. 

Set the horses free, dredge the Yarra for survivors, and with one swift brushstroke solve all of society’s woes. Imagine a utopian Flemington where jockeys line up with their smartphones, unlock an O-Bike, and pedal their little hearts out in a single speed race through thick grass, whipping their own hind quarters for the glory of a silver and yellow cup.