In a world where opinions cause wars, children are caged for the color of their skin, and millions are on the brink of dying from hunger and disease, there is one evil that rises far above, threatening the existence of all who encounter it; Vegan Rib Meg.

With her hunger for the ethical treatment of animals and her psychopathic tastebuds, Vegan Rib Meg courts the extinction of humankind itself. With her army of Vegan Riblets, she will wage a relentless battle against all that is sacred, sending humanity into a mayonnaise flavored ice age, the likes of which have never been seen.

I implore you, Unheavenly Creatures, to banish Vegan Rib Meg while there is still hope. By signing this petition, we can once and for all exile this evil. It is your right, nay, it is your DUTY to save the sanity and tastebuds of your children and your children's children. With that, I ask that you raise your hands high, young brothers and sisters, for there's a world's worth of work and a need for you!