Community: I need your help. This is my son and what we have been fighting for the past 4 months.
June 30, 2021, the final day of Pride Month, we filed a human rights violation lawsuit for discrimination based on sexual orientation and unlawful retaliation against my son Ben’s former High School, Menaul School in Albuquerque, NM, and the head of school, Lindsey Gilbert, specifically. We need your help to ensure that Menaul School is a safe environment for LGBTQ students going forward.
In a nutshell, a fellow male student found themselves attracted to Ben, and his homophobic parents and best friend couldn’t handle that truth. To take the scrutiny off of himself, the student lied and said Ben was sexually harassing people and threatening violence at school. The parents, the student, and his best friend (also a Menaul School student) proceeded to spread rumors about Ben amongst the Senior class, parents of students, & teachers, and once they had people sufficiently scared, “reported” Ben to the school administration. Everything that followed was a result of Mr. Gilbert’s biased homophobic views and his choices as a result of that.
From February 5th, 2021 until graduation in May, the head of Menaul School, Lindsey Gilbert, used his position to discriminate and retaliate against my son, Benjamin Henry, because Ben is pansexual and Mr. Gilbert is a sadistic homophobe. Mr. Gilbert hid the truth and allowed lies to be spread about Ben amongst his peer group, parents, teachers, and even to APD, causing great and irreparable harm to Ben. Benjamin was held in a behavioral health unit for 5 days, involuntarily, because of the lies that were told about him. He was denied access to school instruction in person, or over Zoom, from February 5th until graduation, and still expected to complete the necessary coursework to graduate. When it became clear that he was going to graduate, despite efforts to cause him to fail, the school violated his privacy (again) and had group discussions with the Senior class, teachers, and administration about whether to force him to have a separate graduation ceremony away from the other students. He was excluded from Senior activities and social media posts about graduating Seniors. He was treated as a pariah and ostracized because, although misogyny and sexualization of female students are apparently accepted and expected by the school and Mr. Gilbert, being openly and vocally attracted to same sex peers is unacceptable and cause for banishment. Mr. Gilbert and the school KNEW the rumors that were being spread were false and went so far as to contact APD and tell them that the parent who contacted them had lied, to issue a cease and desist letter to the parents who were spreading lies about Ben, and to hold numerous meetings with staff and teachers stating that Ben was never a threat to anyone, and yet perpetuated the same rumors by refusing to restore Ben to community, refusing to stop the rumor spreading or correct them among his peer group, and continuing to treat him as a threat, including hiring additional security to hound him during graduation under the supervision of the parents who wrongly accused him. We believe this is the direct result of Mr. Gilbert’s homophobia and his personal pleasure taken in tormenting Ben.
There are a great many wonderful teachers and staff at Menaul School. Most of the students and staff are in the dark about what has occurred. Others are aware and have offered their support and care but have no way to stand up to the head of school without also being the target of retaliation. The school has a stated position of being pro-LGBTQ and holds an inclusion circle weekly for LGBTQ students. Had I not seen Mr. Gilbert’s disgust and disdain for myself, I would never have guessed that he was so vehemently homophobic. This isn’t a topic that has come up in conversation with him in the 5 years we have been a part of the Menaul community until now. Since February, I have learned that many current and former staff and students are aware of his homophobia but they have not been in a position to do anything substantive about it. We believe the issue lies with him personally. The harm to Ben, and potentially to others, has been so great, that we are calling for his immediate removal from his position, and for changes to the policies and practices regarding disciplinary matters so that one person’s hatred and bias can never again cause such damage.
To the students of the Senior class: I have watched you grow up. This past year and a half has separated us because of COVID and some of you are new to the school. I am not always a verbally expressive person with teens because *awkward* but I know you and love each one of you, even though you have done something … very shitty, this year. The adults in charge have done you a great disservice in this situation. As you go into the world, please don’t do this to anyone else. You KNOW Ben. He has been with most of you for all of High School. I watched you navigating the peer pressure over the graduation ceremonies, trying to balance pleasing the group and also interacting with him as you have for all this time. Not to condemn you, because you are young and doing the right thing is hard, regardless, but stand up for what you know is right, even when it is hard. When someone tells you something about another person, go right to that other person and ask them what is going on. Don’t spread rumors. Don’t shun people who are different than yourself. The real world is not going to tolerate homophobia or lying about others. THIS scenario isn’t going to tolerate it. Ben was asked if he and I were planning to come to the graduation and shoot everyone up together. I understand that this is something you all talked about together. That breaks my heart. Did ya’ll forget us bringing banana bread and energy bites, gatorade, and water to soccer games, track meets, football games? Did you forget all the times we talked about life and your futures? NEITHER ONE OF US would ever, ever, ever hurt anyone, let alone ya’ll. That is… I can’t believe the adults who are supposed to be running that school let things go to this extent. We wish you WELL. We wish you SUCCESS. We wish you FREEDOM from these small minded ways of thinking. Specifically to the boy that all this started with… I see you running out of state. Do it. Go. Get YOUR life. You will find people who love you as you really are. Please get strong enough in your identity that you never lie to protect yourself again.
To the teachers and staff of Menaul School: some of you have been amazing. Thank you. Your support and kind words literally kept Ben alive and carried him through this terrible test. You are loved and appreciated more than I can ever say. At the same time, you have been quiet in terms of standing up to the injustice that has taken place here. I understand. Your boss is homophobic and he’s at the top of the food chain, controlling your livelihood. Now’s your chance. Please speak up. Tell the truth. Help us. There are two of you who know everything that has occurred. We are counting on you. Please do the right thing. It is so incredibly dangerous to create an environment where a young person believes they are safe to express themselves but reality is that they aren’t. We already know that LGBTQ youth are far more susceptible to suicide than their peers. It either needs to be the case that Mr. Gilbert is removed from authority over young people or that the school stops putting itself forward as a safe place for LGBTQ youth, because what is happening now is the worst of all scenarios. Sign the petition. Write an email to the Presbeterian church or to the board and tell them the truth. Testify in court. Whatever you find yourself able to do.
There are a handful of you, all male, who are perpetuating a culture of misogyny and homophobia. I know exactly who you are. You are disgusting and outdated. I hope you grow, but if you don’t, I hope you’re scared and you hide, because we are done with people like you in education. You don’t belong in positions where you teach the next generation how to be. One of you thought it was funny to stand in front of your class and call Ben a school shooter while pointing to his picture in the yearbook. You are the most abhorrent of all. You perpetuated an outright lie and the students saw right through you. I wish you a speedy career change.
The details of everything that occurred are MANY. It is too much to detail in one post. I am attaching here some actionable items such as who to call, email, or contact through social media or a website, as well as a petition to sign and circulate in support of our demands.
A blog will be created to detail everything, in more manageable pieces. Please feel free to ask questions although there may be a delay in response.
PLEASE SPREAD THE WORD. Share this post, petition, etc to like minded people and groups. We need your help to ensure this does not happen to any other young person under this man’s authority. It’s time for a change.
Email or Call: Menaul School directly @ 505-345-7727 or contact@MenaulSchool.org Mr. Gilbert directly to let him know your thoughts: LGilbert@MenaulSchool.org
Any of the Menaul School Board of Directors: https://www.menaulschool.org/about/our-team/board/
The Presbyterian Church USA - anyone you can get ahold of: info@pcusa.org or (800)728-7228
https://www.pcusa.org/
Presbyterian Church in America:678.825.1000 ac@pcanet.org
https://pcanet.org/contact-us/
The State of New Mexico Department of Education: 505-827-5800
PED.helpdesk@state.nm.us
Cognia - Menaul School’s Accreditor: https://www.cognia.org/contact/
https://www.change.org/MakeMenaulSafe4LGBTQStudents