Petition Closed
Petitioning Citizens Concerned About Their Breakfast

Only You Can Stop Pancakes And Waffles From Getting Gay Married

It is against the natural breakfast order.

Dan Lacey, The Painter Of Pancakes

Letter to
Citizens Concerned About Their Breakfast
Just a word of thanks for your willingness to stand up and stand behind the natural breakfast order.

In all my years of painting pancake portraits, I've never so much as once had anyone ask me to depict both a pancake and a waffle together on anyone's head. Why? Because people realize intuitively that this would be against God's will. Never in a restaurant have I ever been served, or so much as seen listed on a menu, both a pancake and a waffle laying side by side upon the same plate. Why? Because people understand without being told that this would be an abomination.

Now we live in a world only one step away from pancakes and waffles knowing one another much too intimately for genteel company. Waffles are the whores of the breakfast table, sucking up all of the available butter and syrup in their greeding square holes come what may. A vow of matrimony between these two items would not only be wrong; it would essentially doom the pancake to eternal dryness.

We can observe in the natural world that God created each for their own kind, and any intermixing between species creates either mutants or sterility. If pancakes and waffles are encouraged to wed, the progenity of such a union would be disaster, and the destruction of breakfast as we know it. I applaud your good efforts today to prevent this from happening.

Most sincerely,
Dan Lacey
The Painter of Pancakes