When I first spoke to the police, it was because I reached out to 111 for medical help. A male nurse called me back, telling me he had to call the police, even though I begged him not to.

Soon after, a male officer called and asked me to come to my house. I refused. He insisted I had to speak to the police, and kept calling.

I then went to SARC, where a female doctor and nurse reassured me that I had enough evidence to move forward, but there was no pressure to report it to the police.

A female detective sergeant texted me next. When I said “no,” she listened, respected my decision, and promised to check in with me the following week. She later told me to tell the team not to reach out to me and she would directly speak to me. 

She was incredible. She validated my feelings and confirmed that what happened was a crime. She even said she probably would’ve acted the same way to protect herself. Eventually, I changed my mind, did the video interview with her, and felt scared but empowered. I felt heard, safe, and hopeful that he would be brought to justice.

But then she was reassigned to another department, and my case was handed over to a male officer. That’s when the tone of everything shifted. Two male officers came to my house and told me my case was a “grey area.” They mentioned the man I accused was calm during his interview. I asked them if their partner had said they were sore after enduring repeated abuse, would they just brush it off? And continue anyway? The way they spoke to me completely changed once the male officer took over. I honestly believe if the female DS had led that interview, the outcome might’ve been different.

I only found out that the bail hadn’t been extended because I had to ask.

Throughout this experience, I noticed a huge difference in how male and female staff interacted with me. The women were supportive, empathetic, and communicated clearly—something I didn’t feel from the male officers.

This is why I’m speaking up and why I want change. We need to give women a sense of security when reporting these crimes, and having a female lead the investigation, in my opinion, is a step in the right direction.

I’ve heard so many similar stories. One woman, now in her 40s, shared that she was just 13 when she had the same experience. How is this still happening?