In a terrible twist of events the NERC has decided to reject the people's choice of RRS Boaty McBoatface (124,109 votes) and instead plump for RRS Sir David Attenborough (10,284 votes) as the name of the new polar research ship.

The only way to restore the cosmic balance is if Sir David Attenborough renames himself as Boaty McBoatyface (he can keep his honorific). We petition him to change his name by deedpoll at the soonest possible moment. There can only be one David Attenborough, and the powers that be have decided it should be a boat. 

We look forward to Sir Boaty's response soon.