Bring Wizard Smith to the Mainland!
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For too long have those godless Tasmanian sons of devils withheld their amber delight from all of us proper Australians. Instead they ship barrels of tainted dregs in the form of James Boags Premium Lager with the same conniving sarcasm of a relative who gifts you things they got for free in lieu of actual birthday presents.
It's time for us to bring justice to this cold, dead country. They're holding out on us. They have fancy ale, my brothers and sisters. They have delicious, shimmering liquid wonder that they're keeping to themselves. You probably haven't even heard of it, such is their dirty, unpatriotic conspiracy.
What have we, as Australians, but a common spirit of mateship that forbids such treachery? Think of everything that we do for them. All the sports teams we let them borrow, all the funny and friendly jokes about incest with which we graciously furnish them. Do we refuse them XXXX and VB and Carlton Draught? Of course not. We understand what this country is about.
The greatest taboo on this great southern would be to invite your mates over and suffer them to Aldi beer, while you sucked down your secret stash of special liquor that's just for you. And that's what Tasmania has been doing to the rest of us for decades.
THIS ENDS NOW.
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