The Tackini or unisex "Berk-er" (photo) protects the public from having to see unsightly Beer & "All You Can Eat" Paunches (AKA Third Trimester Male Pregnancy). Moobs & MuffinTops. Grunge Wear & Low-Slung Trousers- or Low-Slung Anything in public places. 

"The Beltless" MUST be forced to Cover Up by The Good Taste Police. (It IS a Question of Visual Hygiene- or we'll tell their Mums). On The Spot Fines for Garish or Aggressive Tattoos- especially "The Lizard Arm" on Garish or Aggressive Footballer Wives. (See our Petition "Strip Sir Phillip of his Knighthood for Possessing an Offensive Mullet". Luminous Trainers and other fashion Faux Pas eg Pink-Green Hair...

All are despoiling our unspoilt parks and beaches... We all know Immorality is caused by Skinny Jeans worn by Those Who Should Know Better. Similarly Baseball Hats worn Backwards by "Those Young Enough To Know Better". So Ban Bingo Wings & Builder's Bottom Cleavage Now! 

Piercings that set off Airport Alarms. (Anything over 1KG in Gold won't get thru Dubai anyway). Nose Studs on Waitresses serving your Vichyssoise- or Solicitors doing your Conveyancing. (Is there one?). 

We Could Go On and On...It's all Tongue-Stud in Cheek after all- "Walking On The Beaches- Not Looking at the Peaches"...