Keep Andrew Neil's Brillo Pad Hairpiece Resident at the BBC
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Dear BBC Board of Governors,
It has come to our attention today that a famous and much maligned "tonsure concealment device" seen each day on our screens during The Daily and Sunday Politics has either been sacked or has resigned, along with its wearer Mr Andrew Neil, an erstwhile favourite of the sadly balding, non-rug wearing Dirty Digger Rupert Murdoch.
We are now extremely concerned that the prized syrup n' fig may move, along with its wearer, to pastures new, including the likes of ITV's "This Morning" perish the thought. This concerns us greatly because we have invested great gobbets of our licence fee money into it - on pain of being sent to prison if we don't - since its debut appearance on day one, and have paid probably a thousand times its value by now, hoping in return to see it bristling and looking lovely atop Mr Neil's large, shapely crown.
We demand that following Mr Neil's final studio appearance, it is surgically separated from the head of the broadcaster (privately of course), the blood rinsed off, and it is carefully laundered, ironed and given pride of place on a raised, bejewelled, glass stand in the BBC's props department.
We would then request that leave be given for other balding TV presenters, such as Nick Robinson and Evan Davies to sport it daily, glistening under the studio lights and in full view of the public. We demand that they arrest its flagging career and breathe new life into it.
Dear readers, please support and sign our petition. The BBC's viewing figures may be adversely affected by the departure of the beloved postiche, should dastardly Tory Mr Neil, make off with this paid for peruke. He knows full well that it does not belong to him. We OWN it. We PAID for it. We LOVE it....... dearly,
Thank you for your time xxxx
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