It was only a few months ago that our dearest gorilla, Harambe, was shot down in cold blood by sadistic and negligent zookeepers in Cincinnati, Ohio. Since then, Harambe continues to live in our hearts, but now that the presidential election is coming up, we find it is the right choice to have the spirit of Harambe put on the presidential ballet. Why you may ask? Well it's simple: Harambe stands for what all Americans stand for: doing whats right. For did he not do the right thing by trying to protect that young boy from the dangers of society? To put it simply, Harambe is a martyr for all that is good in the world, and we believe he is better than Hillary and Trump combined. So join now, and have the spirit of Harambe lead this country to greatness. Harambe promises to...
-Cut US spending in half while still maintaining a fair level of social welfare and a strong military.
-Install more police sensitivity training so that no more innocent Gorrilla's may die at the hands of prejudice zookeepers
-Will make America more self sufficient by reducing trade with China and starting more industry in the US, therefore bringing more jobs.
-Take on Wall Street corruption by installing more government intervention on trading and the major banks.
-Create an organization which helps those who have fallen into animal pens while at the zoo.
-He will make sure the second amendment is held up, so that people may defend themselves from the injustice and tyranny wherever they go in this free country.
-Free college so that our workforce may become more educated.
-And finally, he will legalize marijuana.