It is consuming our country. It is killing our greatest actors, musicians, comedians, probably even astronauts. To many, it was a symptom only of 2016, a year that stole the color purple and stained the White House orange. But in 2017 it is all but quenched. No, it is not the heroin epidemic. No, it is not childhood obesity. No, it is not Mexicans, nor is it one of the 4 billion people who voted illegally in New Hampshire.

It is: Dumpster Fire. 

Once, we thought we could catch it, douse it with a cocktail of common sense and morality and watch it fizzle out. But this strain has grown resistant: dossiers, pee tapes, and cop cams be damned, it's clear that the Dumpster Fire shall rage on. Frankly, I'm sick of typing it and I'm sur you are too. Each day Americans waste roughly 87 million characters typing "dumpster fire;" the health industry is bogged down with dumpster fire-related thumb injuries. Which is why I'm asking you, my fellow Americans, to join me in signing this petition to make one message abundantly clear: APPLE, WE NEED A DUMPSTER FIRE EMOJI.

Please sign this petition and share it with your friends.