I am the mother of a much-loved son who passed away and is buried at our local cemetery in coney hill Gloucester. The exclusive right to his grave is registered jointly in my name and my ex partner’s name - my childrens father.  

My ex-partner is currently serving a minimum prison sentence of 10 years after being convicted of serious violent crimes committed against me. A 10-year restraining order is also in place so he unable to contact me in any shape or form. crimes that torn me apart and left me with lifelong trauma. 

He has had no meaningful or loving involvement in remembering our son, yet because his name remains on the grave deeds, he still retains full legal rights over our son’s final resting place, and holds the power to block every decision, including installing a headstone. 😞 

What makes this even more unjust is what happened around two years ago: I was forced to fight entirely alone to protect my son’s grave when his boarder was at risk of being removed due to cemetery rules and regulations. I attended meeting after meeting, received letter after letter from official solicitors and authorities, all addressed solely to me and carried the entire burden of saving his grave from being altered. When I later confirmed whether my son’s father had been sent those same notices or consulted in any way about his grave, I was explicitly told: no, he was never contacted at all. It raises a question that haunts me: Why, when it came to protecting the very existence and boundary of our son’s grave, did his father’s involvement not matter at all, yet now, when I simply want to give our son a proper headstone to honour his memory and actually remove his wooden boarder his consent is suddenly mandatory and he holds the power to stop me completely? 

I have tried respectfully, and entirely civilly to resolve this: As soon as I learned I needed his consent, I did everything possible to settle this amicably so we could all move forward and our son could be properly remembered. but because of the restraining order, I could not approach him directly. Instead, I worked through the Victim Liaison Officer assigned to him in prison and with the cemetery authorities to arrange for the official consent and transfer paperwork to be sent to him. The cemetery authorities prepared and sent out the official paperwork to him specifically to consent to the headstone. It was a clear, straightforward process that would have allowed me to finally honour our son. His liaison officer confirmed that he received the paperwork on 8th April. Despite every reasonable and polite effort on my part, he has refused to sign it. He withholds consent not out of care or respect for our son, but solely to maintain the pattern of control he has held over me for more than 10 years - even still from behind bars. 

This injustice is also deeply unfair and devastating for our daughter. She has already endured immense trauma over the last few years - losing multiple people very close to her, having her family torn apart  and coping with the unbearable pain of losing her beloved brother and to be finding out the truth about her father being in prison. To now be denied a proper, marked place where she can go to lay flowers, speak to him, and feel close to her brother is cruel and adds yet more suffering to a child who has already been through so much. She deserves to see her brother honoured and remembered properly, just as I do. 

Desperate to find a legal solution, I contacted multiple solicitors across my area - but sadly, no legal professional is willing to take on my case with legal aid. I struggle every day as a single mum working only part-time to make ends meet; I simply could never afford their private fees. Even an initial consultation cost £240 for just 45 minutes, let alone the final bill for the full work, which would likely run into thousands and take months or years to resolve. It has taken me four long years to save every penny I could toward my son’s headstone, hoping to have it placed in time for his 13th birthday and the 5th anniversary of his passing next year - all on my own, never asked my ex or anyone else for financial help, quietly saving while I faithfully tended and maintained my son’s grave by myself for 4 years, waiting until I could finally give him the memorial he deserves. I asked for his help just once, and I have been turned away time and again - making me feel that because my son has sadly passed away, he doesn’t matter anymore, his grave doesn’t matter, and he doesn’t matter to our society. If he were still here, I truly believe the system would step in to help me secure parental rights and protect him, but because he is gone, I am left with no legal representation, no affordable path forward, and forced to fight this enormous battle entirely on my own. 

This is far more than a dispute over paperwork. This is deeply personal - this is my son, and it is for our daughter too. A headstone is the permanent, public promise that he existed, that he was loved, and that he will never be forgotten. It is the place we can both go to grieve, to speak to him, to lay flowers, and to feel close to him. It is the only lasting memorial we can ever give him and it is being held hostage by the very person who hurt us all. 

All I ask is the basic right to care for my son and give him the memorial he deserves. I should be able to maintain my son’s grave, tend to it, and place the beautiful, fitting headstone he so rightly deserves — without being controlled by someone who has spent over a decade controlling and hurting me. This should be my healing journey, and a place of peace for our daughter too - a time for us to grieve, remember, and find comfort together. Instead, every day I am forced to fight yet another battle against the same person who has already taken so much from me already.  

Under current UK law, cemetery authorities require the consent of all registered deed holders - even when one joint owner is imprisoned for domestic abuse, subject to a long-term restraining order, unreasonably withholding consent, and acting purely out of malice. This leaves me - their mother, my son’s only loving parent in life, the one who faithfully tends his grave, and the one who cares for our daughter through her trauma - powerless to give him the memorial he truly deserves. 

All i am asking is that my ex-partner’s name to be removed from the grave deeds, granting me sole ownership and full authority to make all decisions concerning our son’s grave - including commissioning, installing, and maintaining a fitting headstone for him, without his consent. 

This is a matter of basic justice, human dignity, and a mother’s fundamental right to honour her child, protect our daughter’s wellbeing, and finally begin to heal as a family. Please sign this petition and stand with us — help us give my son the lasting tribute he so richly deserves. 

Thank you for your support. 💙