Ruth Hill - Reporter for RNZ

Sarah Urquhart started spiralling into anxiety and depression while she was pregnant with her first baby 16 years ago.

The shame and stigma of feeling like "a bad mother" kept many women from seeking help, she said.

"People were too scared to actually say what they were going through for fear of being judged. So if you said too much, people would look at you like 'what do you mean you're anxious and depressed and not enjoying your baby?'."

She went on to do post-graduate research on the subject and has worked with support organizations and Post Natal Anxiety and Depression Aotearoa.

Even so, she struggled again after the birth of her youngest child just before the pandemic.

"I got incredibly anxious about who was around my child, who had been vaccinated and who hadn't, all the handwashing. It just fed into that hyper-vigilance, and I could feel myself falling back into that pattern.

"If I struggled to get help and I know who to ask and where to go for help, it's almost too hard for people who don't work in that sphere. We don't talk about it enough; we don't normalize it enough."

She feared Covid and lockdowns had left many young parents without support.

"My worry is that some of these people who had their first child in lockdown are now having a second baby, and they think what they went through is normal, that it's just the way it is, and they have to put up with it.

"The standard line I heard was: 'Oh everybody feels like this, it will pass'. And I got to the point where I thought: 'If everyone feels like this, I just have to suck it up'."

She said there was a lack of understanding - even among medical professionals - about what perinatal anxiety and depression looked like and how long it could persist, and that created a lot of barriers.

"We live in such a high-achieving society that people are keeping it quiet, rather than looking for that support.

"It took me several goes at speaking out before I found someone who took me seriously.

"My message is: don't be disheartened if someone rubbishes what you're saying or gives you that blanket statement: 'It's like this for everybody'.

"No, keep pushing."

So-called "intrusive thoughts" were not uncommon.

One study of depressed mothers with children under three found 41 percent have thoughts of harming them - but few acted on those thoughts.