A poem that powerfully came through me, for the survivor. May it help heal whomever ever needs to read these words.
If I Could Take it Back, I Would
I see now, how much what I have done
Has ripped you apart.
I was the one who was hurting,
I never meant to inflict you with so much pain,
I was just trying to end mine.
I am free now, and you are the one left to bleed.
I see your tears, and I’m holding your heart.
I am so sorry, if I could take it all back, I would.
Please don’t let what I’ve done,
Hold you prisoner in your life.
I love you more than you’ll possibly know,
And I know you did your very best,
Especially with what you’ve had and all you’ve gone through;
After all I’ve put you through.
If I could take it all back, I would.
It’s okay that you’re deep in grief,
But please don’t cause yourself to suffer because of it.
I know you love me,
And I certainly love you.
Please don’t allow the hurtful things I’ve done,
To cause you to waiver in your self-worth.
You are enough.
You said enough.
You did enough.
It wasn’t about you,
It was about me.
Allow yourself to be happy and experience joy.
I know it doesn’t mean you loved me any less.
Carry me with you always,
For I am finally able to be close to you,
In a way I never have before.
What I am so sorry for,
And genuinely apologize for,
Is the ungodly amount of pain I have caused you.
You didn’t deserve that,
And I am deeply sorry I left you this way.
It was never my intention.
I can’t undo what I’ve done,
But I can be close to you always, in your heart.
If I could take it all back, I would.
Written by Sonja Rice
January 13, 2023
Copyright
February 1-7 is National Gun Violence Survivors Week. Honoring the lives of those we have lost, and praying for the survivors as they navigate their way through this nightmare.
Being a survivor from suicide is pure HELL. Being a gun violence survivor is also hell.
We have a HUGE problem on our hands here America, as you know. This is a club no one wants to belong to, but here we are. And now, the survivors are taking a stand, because we don’t want what happened to our family, happen to yours.
Matty’s Law would help save precious lives, before it’s too late. Please, will you help me honor all the survivors, by sharing this update and poem with others who need to hear it. Please share and collect signatures from people who also want to protect their loved ones and be part of the solution to reduce gun violence, mass shootings and suicides.
For more information on me, my memoir - Cake Saved My Life - One Sweet Journey Through Grief, Healing and Sensitivity After My Husband’s Suicide, other writings, cake gallery or to book Porch Time (a free 60 minute conversation to hold space for you) please visit my website-
Sincerely and passionately,
Sonja Rice