PETITION TO RECONSIDER AMERICAN INDEPENDENCE
The Issue
Trumps wants to threaten to take the Falklands? We should threaten to take America back.
🇬🇧 PETITION TO RECONSIDER AMERICAN INDEPENDENCE 🇬🇧
We, the undersigned, respectfully request that His Majesty’s Government review the continued independence of the United States of America.
The Case
On 3 September 1783, Britain signed the Treaty of Paris, in which King George III acknowledged thirteen British colonies as “free sovereign and Independent States” and relinquished Britain’s claims over them.
However:
The agreement is now 243 years old.
King George III was under considerable political and military pressure following years of war.
France had joined the Americans against Britain, turning the rebellion into a much larger international conflict.
George III himself described accepting America’s separation as having “sacrificed every Consideration of My own” to the wishes of his people.
Most concerningly, despite more than two centuries having passed, we have found absolutely no evidence proving beyond all possible doubt that Benjamin Franklin did not slip King George a suspiciously large envelope behind a tavern in Paris.
This represents an unacceptable gap in the historical record.
Our Proposal
We therefore request that Parliament:
Reopen the 1783 settlement for review.
Establish conclusively whether King George III received any undeclared American financial incentives, complimentary tea, land, tobacco, or other inducements.
Determine whether Britain really intended to give away approximately 3.8 million square miles of future United States territory indefinitely, or whether someone simply forgot to include a renewal date.
Invite the United States to renegotiate its independence under modern terms.
Should negotiations fail, politely inform Washington that the 243-year free trial has now expired.
No invasion is necessary.
We suggest beginning with a strongly worded letter.
Desired Outcome
Either:
A) America demonstrates conclusively that the 1783 agreement remains satisfactory;
or
B) the United Kingdom welcomes approximately 340 million wayward colonists back into the family.
They may keep baseball.
The matter of tea, however, remains non-negotiable.
God Save the King. 🇬🇧
32
The Issue
Trumps wants to threaten to take the Falklands? We should threaten to take America back.
🇬🇧 PETITION TO RECONSIDER AMERICAN INDEPENDENCE 🇬🇧
We, the undersigned, respectfully request that His Majesty’s Government review the continued independence of the United States of America.
The Case
On 3 September 1783, Britain signed the Treaty of Paris, in which King George III acknowledged thirteen British colonies as “free sovereign and Independent States” and relinquished Britain’s claims over them.
However:
The agreement is now 243 years old.
King George III was under considerable political and military pressure following years of war.
France had joined the Americans against Britain, turning the rebellion into a much larger international conflict.
George III himself described accepting America’s separation as having “sacrificed every Consideration of My own” to the wishes of his people.
Most concerningly, despite more than two centuries having passed, we have found absolutely no evidence proving beyond all possible doubt that Benjamin Franklin did not slip King George a suspiciously large envelope behind a tavern in Paris.
This represents an unacceptable gap in the historical record.
Our Proposal
We therefore request that Parliament:
Reopen the 1783 settlement for review.
Establish conclusively whether King George III received any undeclared American financial incentives, complimentary tea, land, tobacco, or other inducements.
Determine whether Britain really intended to give away approximately 3.8 million square miles of future United States territory indefinitely, or whether someone simply forgot to include a renewal date.
Invite the United States to renegotiate its independence under modern terms.
Should negotiations fail, politely inform Washington that the 243-year free trial has now expired.
No invasion is necessary.
We suggest beginning with a strongly worded letter.
Desired Outcome
Either:
A) America demonstrates conclusively that the 1783 agreement remains satisfactory;
or
B) the United Kingdom welcomes approximately 340 million wayward colonists back into the family.
They may keep baseball.
The matter of tea, however, remains non-negotiable.
God Save the King. 🇬🇧
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Petition created on 29 August 2026