Understanding Men’s Mixed Messages

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A while ago I was asked “Why do some men say one thing but mean another?” It’s been really hard to answer such a broad question. In my experience, women do the same exact thing, they say something but mean a completely different thing. Sometimes there’s a miscommunication, women want us to say certain things and misinterpret what we say or hear what they want to hear. Sometimes “I love you,” doesn’t mean I love you, it means I like you. Providing a list of the things we guys say and do would be asinine. I would be providing women a checklist of the things we say and do, and that’s not helpful either. There are things women can do to help understand the many messages we give them.

Guys tend to prefer action opposed to words. Sometimes words fails what we truly mean. Our actions, on the other hand, are generally the best indicators for what we truly feel. Our actions often follow a pattern, one that’s not terribly difficult to figure out. The reason we date is to determine the meaning of these patterns. To best understand a guy, match his actions to a pattern. Does he always call you a few days before a date or a day before to ask you out? Do certain topics always come up in conversation? Does he mention problems with ex-girlfriends? It’s not any one action, but the multitude of them that will help you understand a guys message.

Women often perceive us not reaching out immediately as a bad sign. In most cases it’s neither a good or bad sign. While women expect us to calls immediately, we believe we have some time, a day or two. There’s also the possibility that we’re busy, or engaged in other activities that take our focus off of you. If we say we’re going to call you and forget, but call later apologizing, accept the apology. If it becomes a habitual practice, you may want to reconsider.

Often consider the situation the guy is coming from. If he’s recently coming from a divorce or long-term relationship, he’s not thinking of you as another long term relationship. After long-term relationships, everyone needs a break to recoup their bearings and begin seeking that type of relationship again. There’s also a type of woman who date men in committed relationships and expect them to leave. Regardless of how much he says he “loves you,” if he’s in a situation like this, you shouldn’t expect him to become committed to you. Know what you’re getting yourself into, and don’t delude yourself.

Lastly, understand men tend to take relationships slowly. We don’t drag our feet, but we’re patient. Rarely do we jump into a committed, long-term relationship shortly after meeting someone (that’s not to say that we haven’t and it isn’t successful). We’re taught, fir hand, when we do the results are disastrous. Be patient with men, and you should be rewarded.