I am writing this petition with a heavy heart, trembling hands, and an emotional burden that no one—no one—should have to carry alone. Recently, I experienced a devastating incident that left me staring at the ceiling, questioning reality itself. Someone refused to say “67.” Not misheard it. Not forgot it temporarily. Refused. A simple request. One tiny number. Two digits. Yet its absence echoed louder than silence.

This refusal struck so deeply that I found myself crying alone in my room for 67 consecutive hours. That is nearly three days of emotional turmoil, dehydration, and excessive blanket use. I replayed the moment over and over, wondering how society had failed me so profoundly. And as the tears fell, I realized something even more tragic: this is not just my story. Studies I definitely didn’t make up show that approximately 67% of the global population experiences similar heartbreak when others fail to acknowledge the importance—nay, the necessity—of “67.”

In response to this ongoing crisis, I propose a worldwide mandate requiring every individual to mention “67,” “6 or 7,” or literally any reference whatsoever to “67” at least once per day. Spoken aloud. Whispered. Casually slipped into conversation. Yelled dramatically into the void. This small but powerful action has the potential to foster unity, restore hope, and emotionally stabilize countless people who feel unseen due to such unacceptable numerical neglect.

Should someone fail to comply, appropriate accountability measures must be taken. Specifically, they must wear a clearly visible, specially designated hat reading: “I am not a sigma alpha rizzler.” These hats should be readily available to everyone, regardless of age, gender, or general confusion about what that phrase even means. This ensures the policy remains inclusive, effective, and mildly humiliating in a socially constructive way.

But why “67,” you may ask? Why not 12? Why not 42? Why not literally any other number? Because “67” is not just a number—it is a symbol. A symbol of camaraderie. Of understanding. Of mutual respect. Of knowing when to say something extremely specific for no reason at all. By integrating “67” into our daily lives, we can cultivate a sense of community, shared purpose, and collective absurdity that binds us together in these trying times.

Furthermore, “67” offers a light-hearted way to connect with others. It can start conversations. End arguments. Confuse strangers. Bring joy to classrooms, grocery stores, and awkward elevators worldwide. In a world that is already far too serious, “67” reminds us to be silly, compassionate, and just a little bit unhinged—together.

Let us unite and make this change happen. By supporting this petition, you are not only helping to prevent emotional distress and future 67-hour crying sessions, but also promoting a global culture of empathy, solidarity, and questionable decision-making. Please join me in requiring these daily “67” references and the wearing of our symbolic hats.

Sign this petition today. Stand on the right side of history. Together, we can transform “67” into a universal gesture of goodwill, connection, and mild chaos.