At the age of 13, I was stripped away from my life and forced to go to Utah. While I was there, I saw and experienced horrendous abuse at the hands of people who were supposed to "help" me.  I lost my teenage years, and who I was. Since leaving the TTI, I have struggled immensely. I have night terrors almost daily, severe C-PTSD. Going to college made me realize just how much it truly has affected me. I struggle taking showers in a communal bathroom, as each time a shower curtain is pulled I have flashbacks of being dragged out of the shower. I see white vans driving around campus and have panic attacks, think they are there to take me away again. I am so far behind academically because of the program's lack of true education, I have to teach myself things like basic math and science before I can even begin to try and understand what is happening in my college level courses. My first week of classes, I had to go to my math professor asking for help on converting fractions and understanding simple math concepts. I had to drop that class because I was so far behind. When I left Utah, I thought things would change. Instead, everyday is another reminder of what I experienced. Over 200,000 kids are in a facility at any given time, majority of those facilities have documented cases of abuse against children. Yet, the government doesn't stop it.

The day I escaped, it was not some big happy moment. I walked through the door and the place I used to call home felt unfamiliar, my whole life had kept moving without me. My pets had forgotten who I was. Loved ones had died while I was gone. I had lost so much weight my clothes fell off. Friends who once supported me were gone, and every small choice suddenly felt impossible because I had spent so long controlled.

What people do not understand is that escaping is not the end. I lived with the fear of being sent back to the place that destroyed me until I was 18. After I became an adult, the fear lingered. I stayed quiet about what I endured because I knew exactly how people would look at me: just another "troubled teen" who could not be trusted. Even when I reconnected with old friends, the trauma was still there. That fear, that isolation, that loss of freedom does not disappear when you leave. 

Utah cannot keep being a place where young people are sent away, stripped of their voice, abused by people meant to "help" them, and then expected to carry the damage alone for the rest of their lives. State leaders must investigate survivor reports across Utah troubled teen programs, hold abusive facilities accountable, and shut down programs that cannot keep young people safe. There must be real oversight strong enough to stop survivors from being dismissed, disbelieved, and retraumatized.

I am speaking because too many of us know what it means to feel like we will forever be stuck in Utah, even after we get out. If you believe young people deserve safety, dignity, and freedom, please sign and demand accountability from lawmakers now.