I am a simple ex-preschool teacher that dared to question the world we live in, starting from tradtions, customs, literature, music, movies and any other idea or idiom you might think about.
Some people might experience panic attacks and intrusive thoughts because of fear and you might need professional help.
Please, accept medication when needed, it can help you get enough sleep and run your daily errands.
To me, it worked with lorazepram, I used to take half of pill each time I felt a panic attack and an entire pill when things were serious, but please keep in mind that I my weight only 45kg and for you might be needed a higher dose.
I took pills only when I experienced panic attacks because I noticed that my episodes are acute and was pointless to follow a life time treatment.
I feel a deep responsibility to add that I was prescribed a treatment that consists of:
- Valporic acid
- Olanzapine
- Lorazepram
For me, out of these pills, only Lorazepram was effective and non intrusive to my body.
The other pills that were prescribed, respectivley Valporic acid and Olanzapine, were effective on the short term, like calming my thoughts and helping me have a good sleep, but on the long term DISTRUCTIVE!
Valporic acid and Olanzapine in just one month of treatment with 2 pills of valporic acid and 1 pill of Olanzapine at the start and end of the day did the following:
- I gained around 15 kilograms, which is a third of my body mass.
- I experienced alopecia, my hair fell so much that when I was doing a pony tail, its thickness was lighter than my index finger, and my hair ponytail thickness orriginally was as almost double index fingers, so almost half of my hair fell.
After I experienced this treatment, I honestly lost my hope in mental Healthcare and that's how I took the matter in my own hands and I started taking only Lorazepram, which was prescribed only for panic attacks, but only when I felt worth taking it, like when I was experiencing a panic attack.
Somehow, my body managed to overcome this episode and in around 6 months I managed to lose the extra weight and my hair stopped falling in the following days after I interrupted this treatment.
I said to myself that I am a fighter, and I will not let this episode ruin my life. I went to a private medical facility where I presented my situation and miraculosly I was prescribed much lighter pills, that I did not even need to take, I just keep them just în case. The pill is called Gabaran, and the recomandation was to be taken when needed.
Everything was ok, until after 2 years I somehow ended back to the public mental health hospital after I made a complaint to the Police for a personal matter. Just because I was în their evidence, they institutionalised me for another month where they increased the dosage of Olanzapine by 1 pill, so 2 pills of this medicine twice per day, and removed the only pill that was actually effective, the Lorazepram.
After one month of this treatment, I gained even more weight and even more hair fell. But also, after 2 months my menstruation stopped and I was experiencing fluid leaks from my areolas almost everyday. On top of this side effects, I was acting like a dead man walking... just doing the bare minimum like eating, washing, working and sleeping.
I was so fat and numbed from this pills that people on the streets were asking me if I am pregnant and if I am ok mentally.
Again, I had to take over my body, save myself from a sick sistem that is literally taking advantage of your situation just to get some funds from the state fund that I, together with other citizens contribute.
I had to do something so I tried CBD, and when needed just one pill of Olanzapine.
My hair loss this time did not stop when I interrupted the treatment, I had to take a complex of B vitamins and Biotin (B8), this made wonders and my hair stopped falling after one week.
Fortunately, my menstruation came back in just one month after I stopped my treatment.
My weight is still adjusting, but I am patient, I will always have patience for myself.
Also, please keep in mind that the Lorazepram was always taken chewed, and when I started to take Olanzapine only when I needed, I applied the same principle for a faster effect.
What else helped?
- Distancing myself from the media, no news, no movies, no propaganda, no video games.
- I watched the beauty of animals, even if they have their "ups and downs" I felt that watching them is therapeutic.
- I painted only landscapes because I felt that the perfection of nature and life în general is în compliance with my beliefs.
- I tried the way of God, but I find the bible just a work of evil sprinkled with some decency just to appeal on the fragile mind. And I returned back to atheism to be in compliance with myself by embracing logic, reason, compasion and other values that define our beauty despite religion or any cultural COMPLEX.
- I donated to charity because I feel that doing good to others makes you feel good.
- I started cooking more often and that made me cherish food better than before.
- I started planning my future like setting short and long term objectives to a point that I kind of have an idea of what I want to do even when I will be in my 80.
- I started managing my finances by planning my meals and organising my expenses in such a way that I could meet all my needs and most of my desires.
- I dedicated myself to work, I believe that work can help you become disciplined, organised and it gave me a sense of purpose like contributing to society's well being and future.
- I started implementing a critical and logical way of taking decisions, focused on necesity rather than desire.
- I started to take my cat outside more often. Seeing my cat enjoying nature made me feel very good.
- I confronted all intrusive thoughts and destroyed them with pure logic, afterwards I regained my mental happiness.
I am not perfect and I know I will never be, but at least I am content with what I accomplished until now. I will always keep perfection like a refference point just to create a demand for improvement as inspired by school.
Me being happy and good. Is the ONLY SENTENCE I WILL EVER ACCEPT and I will always consider any other "sentences" just the product of fools playing with the word of TRUE GODS, the PEOPLE!
Why am I telling you this?
Because I want you to learn from my experience but also keep in mind that there are different body types with specific needs. Also, keep in mind that this happened in an European country, respectivley România.
Take care and believe in your strenght and nature, you also matter and no matter how "grave" the situation might seem there is hope and love AND IF THIS DOESN'T COME FROM PEOPLE YOU INTERACT, IT CAN COME FROM YOURSELF, you are entitled to love and cherish yourself without feeling like a narcisit. Love must come from you, first.
BLESS YOU, blessings can come from regular humans that are even Atheist or simply non religious.
Amen!