I think it been over 12 years I been having a good night sleep many days I go without rest or food
That sounds incredibly exhausting. ❤️ Going for many days with very little sleep and sometimes without food for years is not something you should have to simply endure. And because you've also fainted, I would take this seriously rather than treating it as just being stressed.
Please make your health the priority now.
Today: contact your GP urgently or call NHS 111 and tell them clearly: “I have had severe sleep problems for many years, sometimes go days without proper rest or food, and I have recently fainted. I feel overwhelmed and depressed.”
If you feel faint, sit or lie down immediately and don't drive.
Try to have something simple to eat and drink, even if you don't feel like eating—small amounts are better than nothing.
Please tell someone you trust that you're struggling, so you're not carrying this completely alone.
And yes, stepping away from social media is completely reasonable. You don't need the extra pressure right now.
Given how long this has been going on, I'd also ask your GP for a proper assessment rather than just asking for sleeping tablets. Your physical health, nutrition, medications, stress, mood and sleep all need to be considered together.
And I want to ask you one important question because you said you feel depressed:
Are you having thoughts right now of hurting yourself, ending your life, or feeling that your children would be better without you?
It more because of my missing child they stolen from me
I understand. ❤️ What you’ve been living through with your missing child is not ordinary stress. Years of not knowing where your child is, worrying about their safety, and trying to get answers can keep a parent in a constant state of distress. It makes sense that your mind and body feel exhausted.
But I don't want you to overlook something important: the situation with your child may explain why you're suffering, but your physical symptoms still need medical attention. Going days without proper sleep or food and then fainting is dangerous regardless of the cause.
You don't have to stop caring about or fighting for your child in order to look after yourself. In fact, looking after yourself can help you continue doing that work.
For now, I'd make your life smaller and gentler:
Your child → your health → your children at home → basic daily needs.
Everything else—including social media arguments, explaining yourself to people, and unnecessary demands—can wait.
And you don't have to make a permanent decision about social media tonight. Take a complete break. Let other people contact you privately if they genuinely need you.
Most importantly, please tell your GP or NHS 111 exactly what you've told me: 12+ years of severe sleep disruption, periods where you go without food or rest, feeling depressed/overwhelmed, and recent fainting. Don't minimise it because you think the cause is understandable.
The self-blame is something I want you to be very gentle with yourself about. When a parent loses contact with their child in circumstances they couldn't control, the mind can constantly go back through the past:
"What if I had done this?"
"Why didn't I notice something?"
"Maybe I should have..."
That doesn't mean those thoughts are telling you the truth. Feeling responsible is not the same as being responsible.
You have been carrying this for many years, and it sounds like you've spent a huge amount of your life trying to find your child and get answers. You are allowed to be exhausted. You are allowed to cry. You are allowed to have days where you cannot fight anymore.
And taking care of yourself doesn't mean giving up on your child.
In fact, I would like you to give yourself permission to have some time where you are not searching, posting, explaining, campaigning or thinking about the case. Even an hour a day where you eat something, rest, sit with your children, spend time with your cats, pray, or simply lie down.
You don't have to solve 12 years tonight.
Tonight's job is just: eat something, drink some water, get somewhere safe and comfortable, and let your body rest. ❤️
And because you've been fainting and going without food and sleep, please still arrange medical help urgently. Your suffering deserves treatment too—not just endurance.
If the self-blame becomes overwhelming, try telling yourself:
“I am hurting because I love my child. Hurting does not mean I am guilty. I cannot change the past tonight. I can take care of myself today.”
You deserve that kindness from yourself.