On Friday the headstone was erected with Caleb's inscription added and an etching of Winnie the Pooh. The Chancellor had allowed the etching and also the wording we wanted, namely "We love you to the moon and back" for Ellie Mae, and "To Infinity and Beyond" for Caleb. I am very happy with the finished result. We went to visit today in the sunshine.
A few weeks ago myself and my husband had a zoom meeting with the Chancellor, Mark Hill QC. I am very thankful to him for his time, and we had a fruitful discussion. He assured me of his sympathy and that he was taking my concerns very seriously. He explained that he has asked for a national review of Churchyard Regulations and this is happening in September. There are differences between dioceses, with some regulations being stricter than others. And as we know there are big variations in how they are applied, though he said this shouldn't be the case. I hope that this national review will include consultation with grieving families.
He will also be reviewing the Leeds Regulations in about 18 months and for the first time he will consult with parishioners. Under a normal review, only churches are consulted, and he agreed that this should be wider. This shows a real openness to finding out what people actually think and want for their loved ones resting places, and I hope many people do get involved at this stage.
He will keep me updated with both of these reviews. My thoughts after the talk were mixed. I am very encouraged by the Chancellor's openness and obvious compassion and understanding. I won't repeat all our conversation but we covered lots of topics around bereavement and the church. I hope that his example will encourage others with influence within the Church of England to engage positively with the public over matters like this so that real conversations can be had and with greater understanding compromises can be reached. In allowing the headstone, he has shown this to be possible.
But, change is not going to happen overnight and the system is still difficult for the public to understand and engage with. There are many voices advocating for strict rules and years of tradition behind graves being seen as sombre places. The Chancellor described graveyards as being for prayer and reflection. I don't disagree, but I find prayer and reflection easier when the children's resting place is decorated with things they loved. I can walk away leaving them in my Saviour's care, knowing I have done all I can to make their grave pretty and honouring to them. I will not stop advocating for this for all families.
One final piece of news! A lady reached out to me today, called Bez Martin. You can read about her family's legal battle for her mother Margaret's headstone to have an inscription in Gaelic here: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/feb/25/coventry-family-overturns-ban-on-gaelic-wording-on-gravestone
Bez has identified many issues with the system that I wholeheartedly agree with and has also been my experience. She and her family are engaging positively with the Church to learn from their case and improve. I am thankful to her for reaching out to me to stand with us.
Thank you to all of you for your continued support.