You know it. I know it. Draft Kings is a rampant. They are out of control. They have 6600 commercials a week. That's one commercial every 1.5 minutes. They spend more money on advertising than any other company including AT&T, Geico, Ford, and McDonalds. We as hard working Americans can only take so much. The commercials aren't even good! If you're going to ruin our Sundays and our lives, at least make it go down a little easier. And I am not just talking about Draft Kings; its scheming malicious brother Fanduel, whose ads look like it was a second grader's project to make an infomercial.  

Yes, you might say, "Hey calm down man. It's just a little website for people to have fun watching sports dude. Don't worry it's just another budding company trying to make it big in America.". But let me stop there. I wish it was just a harmless little company. Let me introduce you to Christian, a regular blue collar working man who doesn't even play fantasy. He is just an honest guy who likes to drink Miller 64 and watch the Eagles before he starts his 60 hour work week on Monday. 

"Hi, my name is Christian Mock and Draft Kings ruined my marriage. It was week 2 and me and my wife were just watching Chip and our boys play the Cowboys. The beginning of the game started out fine. In between possessions, it was just another commercial. But as the game went on the dark dawn of the rapacious maligning force that is Draft Kings crept closer and closer around our living room. Edward Norton's voice started to seem more and more like something out of Mordor. The realization hit us at halftime - Draft Kings is inescapable. It has penetrated our lives and grows stronger each week, dominating and ever-present like the evil eye of Sauron. It would have been fine but the game was too close to turn off. I could have taken it for another quarter, but my wife could only be so strong. What can I say except that at the next commercial break at the site of douchey bros in backward hats flexing with big checks while confetti rains down upon them she snapped. She had a complete and utter mental breakdown. Horrid shrieks and convulsing seizures was all that she could express with occasional whisper over and over "nightmare, nightmare." It didn't go away, my wife is now in the Pennsylvania State Mental Hospital in the special Draft Kings ward that they started in the last week after hundreds of other cases popped up too. I'm asking you as a fellow human to join me in this Petition to the UN Council for Human Rights to stop Draft Kings once and for all and so we can return to a free and humane society in the era of sports watching that seems so distant now but was only last season."

Thank for your support and if you or someone you know is on the brink of a Draft Kings breakdown please reach out to someone or call the Draft Kings Help Hotline. Keep trudging through Sundays and help us garner the support of international community so we can change this terrible affliction.