Let me fight CM Punk!
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I've been an avid fan of the martial arts since I was a five year old kicking and punching along with the Ninja Turtles on TV. My parents put me in karate in third grade, and since then I've trained various martial arts ranging from boxing to Muay Thai to Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. I never thought I could make a career out of it until I discovered the UFC nearly ten years ago and made it my life's goal to compete in MMA professionally.
Then along came Phil aka CM Punk aka the bane of my existence. Yep years ago he decided that he wanted to fight on the UFC despite having no precious training, and of course they let him just because they thought he'd be a big draw. Well after two agonizing years of waiting we finally got to see his debut. Needless to say it went exactly how everyone thought it would, and he took the beating of a lifetime from Mickey Gall. Then somehow despite all that he still thinks he deserves another shot at it. The only problem is literally nobody wants that fight. It does nothing for a pro fighter to beat some hack (unless you're Mayhem Miller of course.)
For me, on the other hand, it will he be a dream come true to lay the smack down on CM Punk on the grandest stage MMA has to offer.
Selling points of this fight:
1. I'm 0-0 as a professional fighter, but I've trained with everyone from boxers to black belts, and the general consensus is I would make quick work of ol' Phil.
2. I don't have his celebrity status, so some might say I'm not a draw. However, the fight could easily be marketed as The UFC Fans vs CM Punk (me representing the fans of course.)
3. I'm a stand up comedian, so I'm really good at roasting people. This would make for some epic press conferences.
4. I asked to fight him first. Before Mickey Gall even had his first fight, I made a video calling out CM Punk and campaigned feverishly for the match on Twitter. His response? He blocked me. Clearly he doesn't want any of this.
5. Two years ago when I started training seriously again, I weighed 270 lbs. I'm happy to say that after a lot of blood sweat and tears, I'm down to 175, so the weight cut is a non issue. I know this technically might make me a little smaller than he is, but I don't care. I'll smash him anyway. After accomplishing a goal like that, I'm not going to let anyone else tell me what I can and can't do.
Bottom line: I want this fight more than anyone on the planet. With your help I can make my dream a reality and give Phil the final boot in the ass on his way out the doors of the UFC and straight to the ranks TNA where the has beens and wannabes of wrestling fester.
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