We the PEOPLE are at crossroads in history. Our voices have been silenced, the control of our own government has been forfeited, and the reins have been usurped by the lecherous hands of corporations, banks, war-profiteers and despoilers of our planet. Our elected officials have denigrated their offices with filth, corruption, greed and dishonesty, and have ignored the welfare, rights, and overall well-being of their citizen electors.

We can no longer ignore the egregious, immoral, and deplorable acts of violence that our nation has committed across the globe, nor the financial and military support our nation has provided to intolerable social injustices. We have become complacent to the countless wars, pollution and destruction of our fragile environment; thus, we have become complicit in each of these crimes.

Time and again, We have raised our voices to implore our elected officials for change, and change has been promised. Yet, time and again, our government has left this cacophony of displeasure unheeded. Since our election process is clearly undemocratic, has left the people to decide the victor in a contest of clowns, we have no choice but to submit the following petition:

To the United States Congress:

We the PEOPLE of the states of Maine, New Hampshire and Vermont, in Order to form a more perfect Union, reestablish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do entreat the United States Congress to allow our exit from the Union.

While similar secession attempts have been made (unsuccessfully) in the past, we would like to submit to the United States Congress that no provision or constitutional amendment is necessary, as instead of forming a new nation, we offer the following:

1. That Maine (formerly part of the Massachusetts Bay Colony) be returned, at once to the British Commonwealth, and to her Majesty, the Queen.
2. That New Hampshire (one of the original 13 British Colonies) be returned, at once, to the British Commonwealth and to her Majesty, the Queen.
3. That Vermont (formerly of the Province of New York, and one of the original 13 British Colonies) be returned, at once, to the British Commonwealth, and to her Majesty, the Queen.

We demand that all properties, lands, tenements, tithes, citizens and chattels within, be immediately surrendered, without tarrying, to the Commonwealth of Nations, and to be subjected to her laws and guidance, in saecula saeculorum.

To the British Parliament:

We the PEOPLE of the New England states of Maine, New Hampshire, and Vermont wish to once again rest at the bosom of the glorious Commonwealth. While a vast sea, and hundreds of years have separated us from YOU, our brothers and sisters, we seek to once again be rejoined under your banner. As we present ourselves as a mere triune of New England states, it must become apparent that there are some notable absences in our retinue (i.e., Massachusetts, Connecticut and Rhode Island). Please vouchsafe your trust in us that we have left them behind for a good reason (they're sort of gross). That being said, the return of 54,358 mi² to the Commonwealth, or roughly 60% of the current land-mass of the United Kingdom, is surely nothing to sneeze at.

To the Queen:

Dear Queen Mum,

Please accept our apologies for our rancorous, bratty, and impudent behavior for these past Two Hundred and Forty years. Had we known that things would get so bad as to have to choose between a Mandrill and an Orangutan as the leader of our Nation, we would have surely remained loyal to your 3rd Great-Grandfather, King George III. Please accept our sincerest apologies. We solemnly pledge to remain loyal subjects and to refrain from any further tantrums or naughtiness. Our hope is that we can put all of the past behind us and perhaps have a laugh about it over a spot of tea.