I Tired to Hurt Myself 4 Weeks Ago - How Many Others Did Because of Cal VCB?

TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM

Four weeks ago, I made an attempt on my own life. Between Cal VCB's endless delays that financially ruined me, endless autism discrimination, I finally just snapped. I couldn't handle it anymore. And deep down, I thought this was what people really want me to do. Everyone would be happier if I were gone -- they want you to do it, they're just too polite to say it. Just do it. I didn't want to go. But facing starvation and homelessness, I thought this would be mercy. I actually didn't want to do die. I just thought...there's no hope. Everyone is going to abandon me. Everyone is going to abuse me. My dog and I will starve and wind up on the street. And then I'll get raped again. Just do it Tom....at least there's no pain this way. 

I finally got much needed help to address mental health issues stemming from Cal VCB's abuse and autism discrimination. And I'm glad to be here. But I want you to consider the thousands like me who weren't so fortunate. It's hard to estimate how many people died because of Cal VCB, but it's certainly non-zero. In fact, as many  mental health professionals will tell you, there's a large chance of self-harm. So every time you see me passionately see me standing up to Cal VCB, what's going through my mind? People will die unless someone stops Cal VCB....just as it was almost me. According to the Lancet, the chance might be as high as 500%. Based on this, you would think Cal VCB would understand the need to be prompt, clear, organized, and trauma informed? But sadly, no...

How can you help? 

1. Please Donate to my GoFund Me. I want to keep going...but I am struggling immensely. And no matter how many jobs I apply to, it seems I can't find work. Link: https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-tom-rebuild-after-assault-and-job-loss

2. Keep Sharing This Petition. We are only 7 signatures away from 1,000 signatures. It's hard to believe just under a year ago, this petition had only just started.

To anyone reading this who is AuDHD (autistic + ADHD) - you are valid. There's going to be times you will have a meltdown, your disability/neurodivergence requires disability accommodations others find strange, or other oddities about how you live. Embrace them. Who we are is not a disease or something to be ashamed of, no matter how badly the RFKs of the world disparage us. 

To anyone reading this who is a survivor of violence - you are valid. The journey may take years, perhaps even decades. Your attacker and the crime that happened to you does not define you. 

To anyone reading this who has ever thought of self harm - believe this is just a bad moment and it will pass, to paraphrase U2 (Stuck in a Moment). Keep going. Even if it seems pointless. I did. And I'm glad I did. 

Love now & always,

Tom <3 <3 <3