I signed a Change.org petition asking the Christian Values Network to stop donating money to homophobic organizations. I didn't realize this would automatically sign me up for some Bored Liberals mailing list. "Please sign this telling Netflix to make really quiet movies for deaf people!" "Please sign this telling pet stores not to sell really meaty bunnies to French people!"

Yes, thoughtfully signing that one petition automatically signed me up for TEN DIFFERENT KINDS of Change.org spam. Change.org created a new account for me, and checked ten different boxes: Email me when a bird flies over my house! Notify me when Hillary Clinton wars a pantsuit! Alert me when Coco T looks like a whore!

Look, I'm a regular person, not a petition-signing machine. I care about gay rights: deaf people and bunnies can take care of themselves. Let us sign your petitions and then hit the road. Don't punish us by stalking our altruistic butts like Glenn Close.