Kayne's personal post

Kayne posted his personal message last night on Facebook and I have it included in this weeks update. Every day seems to be getting harder, despite the recent stable scans. It confuses everyone as to why I still have significant symptoms, even the doctors. I have been asked by many people how college is or how I like LSU. I love college and more specifically LSU. It is different than anything I have ever been exposed to. That goes without saying the college life for me is completely different than those of my friends and fellow peers. DIPG has taken away my true independence and it continues to steal things from me daily. I hate not walking around with my friends. It aggravates me to see my mom run around trying to cater to my needs. There are plenty of other annoyances I deal with on a daily basis, it’s like a grocery list when planning a party; never ending. “The unfailing love of the LORD never ends! By his mercies we have been kept from complete destruction. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each day. I say to myself, "The LORD is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!" The LORD is wonderfully good to those who wait for him and seek him. So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the LORD. And it is good for the young to submit to the yoke of his discipline.” Lamentation 3:22-27 Have you ever looked into your mothers crying eyes and told her it’s fine, even though you know it is far from that? Yesterday I experienced that once again, just telling her that we all make mistakes from time to time, and that it wasn’t a big deal. I have big feet (size 13, bigger than my brothers :)) so I know its’s hard to envision yourself in them. Sometimes, it seems, we need a wake up call that hits us so hard we are forced to fall down to our knees before getting back up. “Look up into the heavens. Who created all the stars? He brings them out one after another, calling each by its name. And he counts them to see that none are lost or have strayed away.” Isaiah 40:26 I seem to be the life of the party though. People enjoy spending time with me even if it’s me sitting in my chair at my dorm. I often joke people are only my friend to get to hang out with my companion, Moose. I will admit my humor about the topic shouldn’t always be stated out loud. My friends kinda look at me like I committed murder, but it’s ultimately how I cope. College isn’t everyone’s dream, many people end up in it and suffer greatly. Although I can’t always do the work because of my appointment schedule, fatigue, and vision problems, I try my best to do all I can to get my work done. I let my teachers know when I won’t be in class and they are all very accommodating, so I can’t thank them enough. If you know me, I hate missing class even though all I wanted to do in high school was go home. Sometimes I feel as if I take even what I’m given now for granted, which I tell myself is complete BS. I used to love playing my Xbox; not so fun anymore. My hands fidget, I am slow to press buttons, and I misclick the buttons or shake the analog sticks without realizing. Oh how I yearn for those little things to just go away. I love eating. I don’t know many that don’t! If you actually want to hangout and talk, adding food to the situation will result in me attempting to eat and talk, something not so easy to do anymore. My drive to get normal is unbeatable, but all treatments are “try this” or “go here” and I just don’t want that anymore. I’m tired of suffering sometimes, but I’m not ready to call it quits because I am still doing things I enjoy. I hope to continue to defy odds. There is so much work to do about DIPG in the Louisiana community. I may not be doing college like the rest, nor hold a job in the future as a veterinarian the way I imagined a few years back. This is my job though. This is my life. God bless. “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.” ‭Colossians‬ ‭3‬:‭15‬