Wasnt going to update until my showdown with the man in charge but it kind of helps me feel closer to my baby being able to write openly on something I know he will eventually see. This time of year is always the worst its your 4th birthday in a few weeks. Its 3 years pretty much to the day Paul Pennington-Wilson came to the house to personally deliver the good news we had both passed the parenting assessment. Its nearly 3 years since the day before your birthday SYEDA TAHERAH AHMED and her heavies turned up to announce theyd be applying for an placement order and the application would be made on your 1st birthday. Everything reminds me of you even more than usual, just imagining your golden hair in the sun knowing I can't stroke it away from your eyes, we should be out in the garden right now, I'd get the pool out and we'd sit in it eating ice lollies and video calling your mom and making her jealous lol or maybe we'd be somewhere like Stratford and I'd take you in the swan boats and you'd be chilling and making me do all the pedalling lol. I really miss you son and when you miss me too just look up in the sky and when the sunshine is out know I'm looking at it too and I'm thinking of you. love you baby boy xxxx