Commission San Francisco collage artist Calamity Fair (John Vochatzer) to do the official White House portrait of Donald J. Trump. It has been widely decided and agreed upon that his trademark interfused sludges of grotesque gore and viscera would be the only style of portraiture fitted for such a historic occasion.

The White House portrait has always been an important part of commemorating the legacies left behind by our Commanders in Chief, and selecting the right artist to carry out this task is of the utmost integrity. So we ask: who better to carry on this grand, unprecedented tradition?