Further update

I have only just built my self up to open my mams records and on one of the paragraphs it states mam had a collapsed left lung wich is just another massive blow for me to now try and understand that I have no acknowledgment of to this day nearly 3 year on a can not bring my self to read any more at the minute am absolutely terrified of what I will read but am also desperate to read them I am still not mentally prepared