Dear Birmingham City,

Why why why are you taking Greg Stewart away from us? He has been a revelation at our club this season as we assault the Glasgow monopoly in Scottish football head on. With eight goals and eight assists, he has played a crucial role and all Killie fans were gutted when we heard you were recalling him.

Anyway, please let us keep Greg Stewart for the rest of the season, he has a dazzling smile that could crack a mirror, and fast feet that could confuse even the greatest defender e.g Kirk Broadfoot.

This is but a simple request, please consider wisely.

Yours faithfully,

One Team in Ayrshire & Steve Clarke’s Blue and White Army