Support/Encouragement for Victims

Support/Encouragement for Victims

1. I believe you. Again I believe you. I stand with you. I affirm your experience. I validate your voice. I hold space for you. I’ve been where you’ve been. 

2. You are smart. You are skilled. Don’t you ever forget it! You were able to stay alive through some horrible things. And keep your children alive. That requires strategy!

3. TRUST YOUR GUT AND LISTEN TO IT. I don’t care what others say. You may not have the words to express something, but you know in your gut. You were created to live a good life. You were NOT created to be maltreated, mistreated, abused, controlled, or manipulated against your free will. 

4. Make a police report and get a protection/restraining order. YOU CAN TEXT 911 now in most places. Write down everything you remember. Details are important. Sometimes as you rest and feel safe, memories come back. You are not crazy. You are credible. Your abuser and those around him are going to try to discredit you. Prepare for it and be ready. Keep telling the truth. Lies change...the truth will be the same today, next week, in 10 years, etc.

5. There is nothing wrong with being a victim. I validate that experience for you. It simply means something happened to you. You are NOT to blame. You are NOT responsible for anyone else’s behavior. You are NOT obligated to be loyal to someone who treats you badly. Now, let’s move to get to the other side of it. 

6. You LIVED your experience. Don’t let anyone try to minimize or invalidate it. 

7. Empower yourself by familiarizing yourself with the following terms: victim blaming, victim shaming, gaslighting, blame-shifting, minimizing, triangulation, stonewalling, manipulation, toxicity. Be able to identify it. 

8. All counselors, support groups, and agencies are not created equal. Keep going until you find what you need, even if it’s outside of your state.

 
9. SAFETY PLAN: Have it at all times. Remember this advice (shared with me by a law enforcement officer): You know the patterns of your abuser. Sit and think about them and make your safety plan. 

10. Don’t waste your breath explaining to those who can’t help you or really don’t get it. You don’t have time.

11. Stay away from people trying to poke holes in your story. You’ve literally lived in a war zone, in domestic violence. It is already hard enough to use your voice. Your voice is power. Your voice keeps you alive. 

12. Eliminate anyone or anything that hinders your healing. That includes those asking why you stayed. Tell those who criticize you to “Walk a mile in your shoes, then talk!”

13. Forgive yourself.  Learn the lesson. Be firm in your “never again.” Be accountable to yourself and your children if you have them. Yes, you may make mistakes as you recover. It’s okay. Just don’t make the same mistake twice, learn, and keep going. 

14. Let go of your shame...Right Now! It happens at all levels and more than you know. You are still here...there is still time. It may get hard. It may get lonely. Don’t you even think about going back. Peace, joy, recovery, restoration, success, creativity, protection, provision, self-discovery, abundance, fun, and true healthy love to you always.