Good Morning all,

We would like to report that we are very pleased that the vast majority of Ontario schools and post secondary institutions have decided to shut down today, Thursday, February 13th. Unfortunately, it seems like a few universities like UofT St. George and TMU have refused to comply, which hampers our efforts against the snow. We have successfully appointed a Snow Czar, Tom Snoman. Here is Mr. Snoman’s statement regarding the conditions today:

”First and foremost I would like to thank Ontarians for their bravery during this difficult time, and for entrusting me with the task of carrying out the largest snow deportation act this country has ever seen. We are making great progress, but unfortunately some sanctuary universities like UofT and TMU have weakened our efforts as they are blocking our snow deportation by remaining open. As such, we require an additional day of closures tomorrow, February 14th, so that more ICE can be dispatched to remove all the ice. We thank you all for your efforts today, and you can rest assured that ICE will not stop until all the snow that has illegally entered our province has been deported.” 

We would also like to report that the clouds have stopped exporting all their illegal snow ever since we threatened to impose 25% tariffs on their condensation. We are making great progress, but we mustn’t stop. That is why we are asking all to support an additional day of closures tomorrow, Friday, February 14th, so that phase two of the SOAP can be enacted. We thank you all for your time. Stay safe everyone.