We, the people of the United States, recognize the importance of a balanced diet and proper nutrition as important aspects of a healthy lifestyle, and therefore declare Congress, including all current and former members, to be a vegetable, granting immediately all legal status provided to these leafy greens for purposes of Food Pyramid placement, school lunch inclusion, FDA safety regulations, and so forth.

We, the people, do hereby recognize the membership of Congress among the noble class of vegetable, and look forward to treating them according to such qualifications pursuant to this much-deserved designation.