In light of recent events, the vicious knife and fork attacks happening on a global scale, is the direct result of over-availability of kitchen utensils. These caustic actions are in no way the fault of the perpetrators, but the fault of the utensil manufacturers and corporate owned retail businesses that supply these death devices on a large-scale.

We MUST implement a mandatory 5 day stall between the purchase of these evil devices until the time that they can be appropriated by the purchaser.

We MUST limit the quantity of utensils per purchase to 2.75 per person, no exceptions. This number is exact and not to be rounded to the nears whole number.

Without these controls being immediately placed into law, we risk losing thousands of lives every day. Please save a life, ban the spoons!