When Carlton's radio career evaporated, a make-work job at the Sydney Morning Herald provided him with a column that has made laughingstocks of the newspaper and its management ever since. Butch's ongoing presence has done considerable damage to the SMH's reputation, its remaining sane readers' good nature, and the company's share price.

As a Carlton column is never more nor less than a bid to retain the last vestiges of a faded fame, it is incumbent on directors to require payment for every future exercise in self-promotion. The standard rate for display advertisements should apply, with discounts available should the vanity columnist chose to publish his thoughts on more than three pages in any one edition.