Petition to Thomas R. Kane, Chris Powell
Create a fedral prison for snail gangsters
Everyday, hundreds and hundreds of innocent ocean snails fall victim to the snail mafia and their gangsters. The snail mafia is very deceptive and dangerous, threatening millions of coastal homes and properties. You may think this is a joke, but innocent snails are at risk; so please help. If you do not take action, the snail mafia and its ruthless murderers will soon take over the world. The snail mafia will soon overtake the majority of the U.S. A. recent study shows snails have declined in numbers by 5%. It also shows a large increase in snail murders, up 50%. If you need more evidence, then go to the beach. What are hundreds of unused snail shells doing there? How might the snails kill humans, you ask? well, for one they pull down swimmers, drowning them. They also clog pipes, making locals die of thirst. Snails even know they are the smartest of animals (besides humans), which is why they are killing their own species. We need to protect those who are innocent. Many people think I'm just joking. But that's not the case when snails live's are in danger. If your pet was about to be murdered, would you just sit there? You should care the same about snails, which are just as good as any pet. As for the part about taking over the world, it won't be sudden. (.029 mph top speed) But it will be gruesome. Violent snails often have a craving for human brains, extremely similar to zombies. Snails also posses deadly weapons like poisonous snorkels, toenails with fungus and micro bombs, which they acquire from grocery stores (in addition to machine guns). Because of these weapons, the snails should be held in a high security prison. All in all, mafia snails should be put in there own federal prison or they will take over the world. These snails are very sneaky and even the masters know little of their ways. Don't take this matter lightly because snail and human lives are at risk because of the snail gangsters. Sign this petition before its too late and snails rule the world.