So, I watched Bridgerton over break at the recommendation of my Netflix page and the incapability to resist a period piece, and while it was kind of a drag at most parts, I realized that Ms. Daphne Bridgerton and I have something in common. Yes, in the prime of our lives, we were both diagnosed with a serious condition: Prettiest Girl at the Party Syndrome (PGPS).

PGPS should not be taken lightly; in fact, it would be irresponsible and detrimental to ignore this condition. In Daphne’s case, it was a grave issue being the prettiest girl at the party, as many men were instantly overwhelmed by her beauty, making us sit through four whole episodes until she finally gets married to her “perfect” match. She made many enemies simply because she was too pretty, and even though it was ridiculous that her only problem in the entire show was having a nice personality and gorgeous clothes, she suffered immensely at her uncontrollable state of physical being!

Like Daphne, I too suffer from PGPS. I join any club, and I am immediately the prettiest one there. I cannot help it; but so is life when one suffers from PGPS. And while the purpose of this petition is not to find a suitor, my condition requires me to have the position I deserve, lest I succumb to melancholy. This is where you all come in. This is how you can help.

Make me a Phull Philo member, for it is the only way I can assume my role as Prettiest Girl of Philo. Other women at Philo may also have this role, but I think it would be fitting if you would allow me to bypass the red tape and just become the Prettiest Girl of Philo. It will not only recognize my PGPS, but also give a fitting cure that will prevent melancholia and my subsequent wrath at everyone who decided to make the grave mistake of ignoring that I have PGPS. So, sign this petition to achieve my final form! You want to do it so badly!